A Bunch of Rubbish or Jesus?

"Steer clear of the barking dogs, those religious busybodies, all bark and no bite. All they're interested in is appearances—knife-happy circumcisers, I call them. The real believers are the ones the Spirit of God leads to work away at this ministry, filling the air with Christ's praise as we do it. We couldn't carry this off by our own efforts, and we know it—even though we can list what many might think are impressive credentials. You know my pedigree: a legitimate birth, circumcised on the eighth day; an Israelite from the elite tribe of Benjamin; a strict and devout adherent to God's law; a fiery defender of the purity of my religion, even to the point of persecuting the church; a meticulous observer of everything set down in God's law Book.

The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I'm tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God's righteousness.

I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." Philippians 3:2-14 (The Message)

I could write my own version of this. While I don't think I was very successful at living up to all my self-righteous standards as a legalist, I did try. And I do think that others viewed me as spiritual, godly, etc... So here's my take on the pedigree I've torn up and thrown in the garbage in exchange for the far more glorious life of enjoying intimacy with Jesus:


Born into a Christian family, attended church since a baby, passionately sang worship and praise to God as far back as I can remember, prayed for lost souls with many tears, shared what I thought was the gospel with many, fasted, kept a spiritual/prayer journal, served faithfully and sacrificially in the church, served others by providing free childcare, cooking meals, etc.., tithed and gave money beyond the 10%, read many many spiritual books, read and studied the Bible, confessed sins regularly to God and others, was sorry when I made a mistake or wasn't consistent in my spiritual disciplines and committed to being more faithful, tried to be humble and submissive to my husband, submitted willingly and joyfully to 'spiritual authority', was very careful about what I listened to, read, or watched in the way of media to make sure it was glorifying to God, worked at trying to grow in all the fruits of the Spirit, acknowledged weakness and failures and sought God sincerely to help me change and do/be more like Jesus.


ALL THESE THINGS I COUNT AS RUBBISH. ALL.

They gained me NOTHING! In fact, the more I did the more self-righteous I became. This self-righteousness alternatingly gave me the high of success and the low of condemnation and failure. And I was addicted to this cycle, couldn't feel godly or spiritual without it.

But I've given it all up and am more than satified with Jesus Christ who has given me his perfect righteousness and completely unearned! I don't need any of those things any more to make me righteous, more holy, more pleasing to God, even more mature. What I need, is initimacy with Jesus. End of story.

You see, all those things can be done on my own. And while I was doing them on my own, 'letting' God help me a little if he would, rather then deepening my intimacy with him I was actally distancing myself from him, cutting myself off from grace and nullifying faith. It makes me wonder...who was more distant from the Father, the prodigal or the older son? The prodigal seemed to have a better understanding of his father's character and love than his older and supposedly more faithful brother.
I've been the older brother but I don't want to be suspicious of my father anymore. I don't want to work for him as a slave, not revelling in his love or enjoying the benefits of sonship.

As for my list of good (more like dead) works, it becomes of no use to me anymore. Everything I was ever trying to gain I've found in Jesus.

Dear On-Fire Christian...

Dear On-Fire Christian(/legalist):

First of all, I have to say that as infuriating a conversation with you can be at times, I really do love you. And I understand where you're coming from because that is where I have come from. Maybe that's why your words are so frustrating to me, I remember so clearly not so long ago living the 'life' you're living, speaking the same words to people, feeling the self-righteous rush of satisfaction when I thought I'd pleased God with my 'ministry'. I remember how good it felt to have said the right thing at the right time to someone who obviously needed my help to do better or be better, to get their life in order. What a high you can get from giving someone the answer to all their problems, the exact prescription they need, what they need to do to get what they want in life, to get closer to God, to become more holy and righteous and respectable in the church. Yes, I remember...

So thank-you for your good intentions, I appreciate your sincere concern and care. But you needn't waste your time worrying about me! I admit I don't go to church right now, I even admit that I don't want to go to any church I know of. I admit that church is either mind numbingly boring or alternately infuriating to me and I avoid going like the plague. I say 'church' with your idea of church in mind; the so-called organized church of any and all shapes, sizes, denominations,systems, theological slants, or various creative versions of it. And I don't think less of anyone who is part of that church, if you enjoy it then more power to you! I'm glad you can, and part of me wishes I could too...I'm sad that for me the 'meeting together' happens less often and regularly at my house or someone else's, on the phone or online...

It's a little lonely sometimes, and sometimes I dream of packing up and moving far away to live closer to people who know what we're talking about when we say 'gospel' or 'grace' ! But we belong here, here with the chickens and ducks, rabbits and cats, one dog and four children...and no grace church. But as lonely as ever I get, I can't come to your church and sit by while everyone is slowly crushed to death by the weight of the law, either by a little law or much more. Don't tell me all proud of yourself and your church that you only mix in a little bit, that really won't impress me. I'd rather you went the whole way and preached the entire Old Covenant and left Jesus completely out of it, you're tarnishing his Good Name, the name I love. So if you think you can guilt me or in some way manipulate me to go to church, yours or somewhere else, I think you might sooner convince me of my need to go to synagogue. Honestly I stay away from your church out of respect, I know I won't fit in there. I know I might get up some day in the middle of your service and scream because I can't take anymore of that bull dung (I forego using the appropriate word out of respect for you). See? Now you made me cry. I can't stop thinking about all the words you spoke to me, words of condemnation though you don't even know enough to see it. Condemnation is second nature to you in your spiritual world. You are the serious christian, and now, thank God, I am not. I'm just a beloved son of God with whom he is well pleased.

And I don't spend even a second of my days anymore worrying about the right or wrong of what I'm doing. I'm not busy trying to get close to him, to try and figure out his will about what I should be doing. I'm not anxiously trying to please him and there are no special conditions I need in order to worship him or experience his presence. So please forgive me if I politely ignore your advice to seek his face, to pray and ask him to show me his will, as though you already know exactly what his will for me is and what I should be doing. In fact, if you're right, why do I need to pray? You already graciously told me exactly what his will for me is, and if I don't do it then you can continue to graciously pity me because I must be miserable in my rebellious disobedience to your christian rules and regulations.

I don't mind you pitying me, really I don't. I am happier and freer than I've ever been in my life. I don't want to kill myself or divorce my husband, and attribute this largely to have gotten out of the horrible guilt system that we call the church. I am part of a happy church now, one that will hopefully materialize here physically some day soon...which is, after all, why we moved here in the first place. But it's hard to be in such a hurry when I'm resting in God, knowing that his timing is good and perfect. I'm sorry that it freaks you out to see me so calm and peaceful when you think I should be striving and working. How can I even tell you that I'm happy in God and he in me? You have no category for such a statement, you wouldn't even know what I'm talking about, it would just worry you more that I'm so casual about 'sin' and 'righteousness'. But you miss the passion I have for the gospel! Passion and burning joy in the truth that we have already been given everything need for life and godliness in Jesus! I lack nothing. I am excited to grow and learn more in grace, to receive more and more glorious revelation of what I've received, but I LACK NOTHING!

So though I love you very much on-fire christian, I will not join you in YOUR lack. I am not judging you, you have admitted your lack with your many different words and arguments and I can see that you want me to join you in your lack and your striving to be filled by God. You will never find what you seek as long as you are operating by old covenant strategies. There is only one way to have God and his loving blessing on your life and that is only faith in Jesus, not ever ever ever ANYTHING you may do. Not prayer, not fasting, not worship, not obedience of any sort...and conversely, not praying, not fasting, not worshipping, not obeying can never remove the loving blessing of God on your life once you have received him by faith.

But I too would love to talk more. I would love to talk about the gospel next time we talk, to revel in the goodness of God's love for both of us, instead of worrying about the knowledge of good and evil, trying to figure out right and wrong. Has that ever helped anyone do better or meet God's perfect standard of righteousness? I have probably heard thousands of such sermons and teaching over my lifetime and can tell you it never did me any good. I spent my days up and down between self-righteous triumph and suicidal self-hatred according to my perception of how well I obeyed the church's (God's?) law for me. Ironically I am still respected as a very godly person in many of my past circles because I was such a legalist! I hope that God uses my past legalism to give me some credibility when I meet these people and with you now that I am able to share the good news!

Sorry for my long long rant, and I apologize for rolling my eyes so much as we talked on the phone, I hope I will remember not to do that if you ever come over and talk in person...

Sincerly,
Jul

Faith: Believing in God's Love

Faith used to be such a vague concept to me. A very spiritual sounding word that people used the most when they hit hard times. Honestly, in my various religious legalistic experiences, 'faith' was an expression of self-righteousness, often displayed with the air of a martyr. You see, men and women of faith could often be found standing by God even when they thought him responsible for disease, poverty, and death. The worse off they were in life, the more people proclaimed them super-holy saints of incredible 'faith'. But really, it doesn't take faith to believe that God would inflict suffering on me, it's easy to believe I deserve suffering or punishment sometimes! It takes faith to believe that God will never ever punish or use suffering to 'discipline' me because Jesus doesn't deserve ANY punishment ever again and I AM IN HIM.

To be sure we all pass through trials and suffering at times (and I believe true persecution is in a different category altogether). We have an enemy who prowls around like a roaring lion seeing who he might devour. We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against a spiritual realm of spirits who wish us harm and will constantly accuse us and oppose us. BUT we also have an advocate who intercedes for us!!! One who has defeated evil forever and has given us eternal righteousness that can never be defiles or stolen from us. One who came to sympathize with us in our weakness out of lavish and exorbitant love for us, his own people. He will not leave us to suffer but will always intervene on our behalf, there is already abundant grace available to deliver us out.

I understand faith in a way that I never could before since seeing grace. Faith is simple, it is a response to experiencing God's love in a real way, whether his voice or his touch. Faith sees God, sees Jesus, and says, "yes! he does love me, I am precious to him!" Faith is not ashamed of the sufferings of Jesus, but rejoices in his love just as a baby does not apologize for causing his mother pain but reaches out for her loving arms and feeds on her joy in him. Faith leans so fully on the love of Jesus that all fear is banished in light of his beautiful goodness. He is all Goodness! He is all Kindness! He will never never never hurt one of his own. I know this because I believe he is good and he loves me. He has shown me again and again and again. Which one of us will give our child a stone when he asks for something to eat? Doesn't our father in heaven know how to give us good gifts even more? Infinitely more?

Faith is not a work we use to obligate God to perform for us at our word. Faith just receives God's love simply without question, without trying to earn or deserve, without suspicion. Faith sees Jesus and is satisfied, is overwhelmed with joy, is full to overflowing. Faith approaches God without agenda or cunning, with no need for lobbying, begging, or persuading. Because faith believes, more than that, RESTS, in the wonderful free love of Jesus.

Personal Holiness

Did you ever notice that sometimes religious people make up new terms that sound really spiritual and good? What I'm realizing more and more that often these terms are veiling something, they are decieving and are designed (not usually by men but by our enemy the devil) to help us believe a lie. We believe because it sounds like it's something God would say somehow.

I grew up in a holiness church, don't worry if you have no idea what that means hehe. I've very thankful for my upbringing so I hope no one takes this the wrong way...Anyway, personal holiness was a popular topic, often thrown in with talk of sanctification. Today I was just vacuuming (again!) and for no apparent reason God just put the term 'personal holiness' into my mind and then 'self-righteousness'. Then he turned on the lights and I was amazed I missed something to simple.

Self=Personal

Righteousness=Holiness

Is this glaringly obvious to anyone else???

If you think there's a Biblical reason to define the two diffently, I'd love to know about it. Right now I'm just not seeing 'personal holiness' as something we're called to as believers...I mean, I'm not seeing it in the Bible.