The Truth

God didn't save me from my marriage, my ex-husband did when he told me he was DONE. After years of porn addiction, strip clubs, some cheating, verbal and emotional abuse, I finally was kicked out a little over two years ago after being basically held as a prisoner in a foreign country unable to work or drive or have access to money/bank account. Being told what I could or couldn't wear, eat, etc..., being criticized and torn to shreds on a daily basis...nothing was good about me, not from how I smelled to the fat on my body, my hair, to my failures as a mother and wife and housekeeper.  Marriage was a picture of Christ and the Church, and after years of emotional torture at the hands of the church and abusive men, I am finally free, well, I'm becoming freer.  I've had to deal with PTSD and judgement from all sides, people I thought were my friends continue to support my abuser and shun me. Yet, many others have loved and encouraged me and I've come to be so thankful for old friends who have stood by me and new friends who have come into my life. I love my children, they are amazing and resilient despite the abuse they have endured and continue to endure, they have had too much trauma yet they are loving and thoughtful and kind. I protected him for years so noone would know who he really was, but it's not my job anymore, just like it's not my job to defend the God who has left countless of us feeling abandoned, unloved, and unworthy of love. I gave everything I had to that God and that man, I thought I had nothing left. But guess what? I found myself and I have more love to share with people than ever. Cheers to never giving up, to being able to take whatever life throws at you and still find the energy to work on being the most decent human you can. I'm about to graduate from school and I've chosen a field working with youth, I've learned what it means to love and be loved (finally!), and I'm figuring out ways to process all I've been through in healthier ways.  I have never been perfect and still am not perfect, but I am worthy of love.  I will never let another person, whether god or man, convince me otherwise again.  AMEN