Dear On-Fire Christian...

Dear On-Fire Christian(/legalist):

First of all, I have to say that as infuriating a conversation with you can be at times, I really do love you. And I understand where you're coming from because that is where I have come from. Maybe that's why your words are so frustrating to me, I remember so clearly not so long ago living the 'life' you're living, speaking the same words to people, feeling the self-righteous rush of satisfaction when I thought I'd pleased God with my 'ministry'. I remember how good it felt to have said the right thing at the right time to someone who obviously needed my help to do better or be better, to get their life in order. What a high you can get from giving someone the answer to all their problems, the exact prescription they need, what they need to do to get what they want in life, to get closer to God, to become more holy and righteous and respectable in the church. Yes, I remember...

So thank-you for your good intentions, I appreciate your sincere concern and care. But you needn't waste your time worrying about me! I admit I don't go to church right now, I even admit that I don't want to go to any church I know of. I admit that church is either mind numbingly boring or alternately infuriating to me and I avoid going like the plague. I say 'church' with your idea of church in mind; the so-called organized church of any and all shapes, sizes, denominations,systems, theological slants, or various creative versions of it. And I don't think less of anyone who is part of that church, if you enjoy it then more power to you! I'm glad you can, and part of me wishes I could too...I'm sad that for me the 'meeting together' happens less often and regularly at my house or someone else's, on the phone or online...

It's a little lonely sometimes, and sometimes I dream of packing up and moving far away to live closer to people who know what we're talking about when we say 'gospel' or 'grace' ! But we belong here, here with the chickens and ducks, rabbits and cats, one dog and four children...and no grace church. But as lonely as ever I get, I can't come to your church and sit by while everyone is slowly crushed to death by the weight of the law, either by a little law or much more. Don't tell me all proud of yourself and your church that you only mix in a little bit, that really won't impress me. I'd rather you went the whole way and preached the entire Old Covenant and left Jesus completely out of it, you're tarnishing his Good Name, the name I love. So if you think you can guilt me or in some way manipulate me to go to church, yours or somewhere else, I think you might sooner convince me of my need to go to synagogue. Honestly I stay away from your church out of respect, I know I won't fit in there. I know I might get up some day in the middle of your service and scream because I can't take anymore of that bull dung (I forego using the appropriate word out of respect for you). See? Now you made me cry. I can't stop thinking about all the words you spoke to me, words of condemnation though you don't even know enough to see it. Condemnation is second nature to you in your spiritual world. You are the serious christian, and now, thank God, I am not. I'm just a beloved son of God with whom he is well pleased.

And I don't spend even a second of my days anymore worrying about the right or wrong of what I'm doing. I'm not busy trying to get close to him, to try and figure out his will about what I should be doing. I'm not anxiously trying to please him and there are no special conditions I need in order to worship him or experience his presence. So please forgive me if I politely ignore your advice to seek his face, to pray and ask him to show me his will, as though you already know exactly what his will for me is and what I should be doing. In fact, if you're right, why do I need to pray? You already graciously told me exactly what his will for me is, and if I don't do it then you can continue to graciously pity me because I must be miserable in my rebellious disobedience to your christian rules and regulations.

I don't mind you pitying me, really I don't. I am happier and freer than I've ever been in my life. I don't want to kill myself or divorce my husband, and attribute this largely to have gotten out of the horrible guilt system that we call the church. I am part of a happy church now, one that will hopefully materialize here physically some day soon...which is, after all, why we moved here in the first place. But it's hard to be in such a hurry when I'm resting in God, knowing that his timing is good and perfect. I'm sorry that it freaks you out to see me so calm and peaceful when you think I should be striving and working. How can I even tell you that I'm happy in God and he in me? You have no category for such a statement, you wouldn't even know what I'm talking about, it would just worry you more that I'm so casual about 'sin' and 'righteousness'. But you miss the passion I have for the gospel! Passion and burning joy in the truth that we have already been given everything need for life and godliness in Jesus! I lack nothing. I am excited to grow and learn more in grace, to receive more and more glorious revelation of what I've received, but I LACK NOTHING!

So though I love you very much on-fire christian, I will not join you in YOUR lack. I am not judging you, you have admitted your lack with your many different words and arguments and I can see that you want me to join you in your lack and your striving to be filled by God. You will never find what you seek as long as you are operating by old covenant strategies. There is only one way to have God and his loving blessing on your life and that is only faith in Jesus, not ever ever ever ANYTHING you may do. Not prayer, not fasting, not worship, not obedience of any sort...and conversely, not praying, not fasting, not worshipping, not obeying can never remove the loving blessing of God on your life once you have received him by faith.

But I too would love to talk more. I would love to talk about the gospel next time we talk, to revel in the goodness of God's love for both of us, instead of worrying about the knowledge of good and evil, trying to figure out right and wrong. Has that ever helped anyone do better or meet God's perfect standard of righteousness? I have probably heard thousands of such sermons and teaching over my lifetime and can tell you it never did me any good. I spent my days up and down between self-righteous triumph and suicidal self-hatred according to my perception of how well I obeyed the church's (God's?) law for me. Ironically I am still respected as a very godly person in many of my past circles because I was such a legalist! I hope that God uses my past legalism to give me some credibility when I meet these people and with you now that I am able to share the good news!

Sorry for my long long rant, and I apologize for rolling my eyes so much as we talked on the phone, I hope I will remember not to do that if you ever come over and talk in person...

Sincerly,
Jul

Dear Sovereign Grace Ministries, C.J. Mahaney, Dave Harvey, Joshua Harris (and all other SGM pastors and leaders...)

I hate to do this. I know I run the risk of alienating people I love, of burning bridges I don't want to burn. You might think it ironic in light of my last post, but actually it is precisely because my last post is true that I am compelled to write this. I am torn! I am angry, but I am heartbroken. I am afraid, but I am fearless. Sometimes I almost understand, then I don't at all! I am so perplexed about you! Please please please just tell the truth and ask for forgiveness where there have been grave errors in judgement and sin against God's children. The world outside SGM will not be merciful when all those things begin to come to light, and they are already--time is short.


Noel's Story

A Call to Sovereign Grace Men

Phoenix Preacher


You are all in my prayers, leaders and families, members, and former members... And may the power of the one and only Gospel be revealed and proclaimed even in all of this.

"Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Romans 5:20-21

A New Grace Church Recently Birthed!!!

We have been very excited and encouraged over the past months before leaving Delaware to see what God is doing to build his church on a foundation of grace. I just wanted to put up a link, especially for anyone in the Philadelphia PA area in case you wanted to check it out for yourself. I never got a chance to visit since I was in Canada before they started meeting, but Aaron was able to visit a few times and really enjoyed it.

Some our closest friends are part of Grace Community Church (Newtown Square, PA) now, and we look forward with great anticipation to see what God is going to do there!

New Covenant Grace Church

Well, that seems to be the name we're going with for our church. We've had an eventful couple of weeks in some ways, though we have a lot of down time where we feel we're not accomplishing much. It's been good to spend lots of time with the kids though, the last 2 or 3 years have been so busy with so much stress and change.

Some of the events that stand out are having a family over for dinner, Aaron speaking to Rob Rufus (City Church International Hong Kong) by phone, and an utter failure to reach anyone else on the phone who we originally thought we needed to talk to! Contacting Rob was a bit surreal at first, because we know we wouldn't be here planting a church if it weren't for his faithful preaching of grace. We just wouldn't have had the faith to step out like this, we would still be wallowing in our miserable failures to live up to the perfect standard of the law! He is truly a spiritual father though he's only just become aware of our existence, and the churches we plant will be part of his spiritual heritage in many ways.

We also had 6 people over on Friday night for worship, but we never got to do any singing because we all talked until around midnight, mostly about grace. It was great to fellowship with believers and it's always great to talk about God's grace so we were very excited. Also got to pass out some Rufus cd's to everyone...

After everyone left we called Hong Kong and talked to Ryan Rufus (Rob's son and author of "Do Christians Still Have a Sinful Nature?", also he has some sermons available for download on City Church International's website ) for over an hour and it was great to see how God connected us so quickly in the Spirit, with so much in common in how we view grace, what God's teaching us about leadership in the church etc...very encouraging. We didn't get to bed until after 2 A.M. but I still couldn't sleep from all the excitement of what God is doing! Things we couldn't understand seem to be making more and more sense as we watch God's amazing plan unfold. His idea of how to go about things is always so much more brilliant than ours, what a shock!

Besides all that, we've been working on a church website, though so far I haven't really figured it out. I'll definately put up a link if I ever do so those of you who actually have computer skills can have a good laugh.

We are planning on meeting regularly on Friday nights at my parents' house for now, hopefully another home will become available soon since it won't take long to run out of space here...I'm really looking forward to getting everything really going, I miss worshipping with other people in God's presence.

Recent Prophetic Words...

This past Sunday we were able to visit a local church here in Moncton called Water and Wine Assembly of Christians led by Dave and Marilyn Britton. It was Aaron's first time visiting so we were called forward to be welcomed and receive a jar of homemade grape jelly. Dave then told everyone that his father had led my grandfather to the Lord many years ago...they have been friends of our family for years though I don't know them well myself.


Anyway, they had a couple visiting to do some prophetic training named Bob and Anita Wing and the Brittons asked them to give us a prophetic word, which they kindly recorded on cd for us. I've transcribed it in full below for those that know us and might be interested! We'd love to hear your thoughts on it, though it is a bit lengthy. We were very encouraged, and some parts are quite exciting (I fancy the part about the angels myself). Well, here it is:

(Bob) Lord we stretch our hands towards this couple (what is your name again?) Father we just thank you for Aaron and Julie we thank you for visitation, your habitation on their lives. Oh man of God what I heard the Spirit saying he said you are one that I had to get my fishing pole out and get my hook out and a special bait to bring you in. The Lord said son I am going to do a great thing in the midst of you the Lord said son I'm unwrapping your gifts, your annointing, and your ability the Lord says I've called you to be a man's man the Lord says you know no fear, growing up that got you in so much trouble because the Lord says you'd just do anything the Lord said but now I've put my heart in you and I'm transforming you and bringing you into new levels of the kingdom of God.

The Lord says son I'm going to use you in a way to impact other men, I've put an annointing on you for leadership and you're going to lead many and you're going to stand strong the Lord said you were a scrapper and a fighter but now I'm going to make you a mighty man of war for the kingdom. The Lord said I'll bring even a fresh annointing upon your thinking and I'm opening up your understanding even as I breathed on the disciples I'm breathing on you says God to open up a destiny a plan, and a purpose that you might bring your whole family into a new territory of the kingdom of God. The Lords says son even as I gave portions of the land to the different tribes I'm giving a portion to your family to possess the kingdom, to prosper, and to do great and mighty things. The Lord says son know that as you study leadership things it's going to cause you to begin to excel and it's going to bring a settling in your spirit. It's going to cause favor with man and favor with me that's really going to begin to bless and change the atmosphere even around you says the Lord.

And the Lord says little princess, you're one who's very special, the Lord said you're very stable, you're very picky, you won't just buy anything. The Lord says you have many questions and I love that about you says God because you're one who will look into the things of the Spirit and one that will look into the principles of my Word. The Lord says there is a teaching gift on the inside of you to be an explainer, a teacher, and one to be a proclaimer. The Lord says daughter you're always giving instructions, some think that you're always trying to be nit-picky but the Lord says no daughter you're one who wants to make things right.

And I love your heart and your spirit and the Lord said daughter I'm even opening up your spirit person to let you walk in realms of the supernatural you didn't even think of. I put a prophetic mantle even upon you to be able to speak forth and bless my body with fresh annointing and revelation from heaven. The Lord said don't be timid don't be shy, it's ok to make a mistake the Lord says as you minister and release the gifts and annointing that's deep within your spirit.


(Anita)And the Lord says daughter know that even the annointing of old is upon you and even that those of the patriarchs that have come down even through your lineage says the Lord are upon you. But daughter know that is a blessing and not a curse, know that it's one that's been like almost a heavy weight upon your shoulders to be in a position to conform to some things that you didn't really buy into you didn't really understand, but the Lord says daughter know that I'm breaking that off you today that you might be able to walk free he said because I have a path just for you it's not one that anyone's trod in such a way that you have to conform and follow in that manner. He said daughter know that I'm loosing you from those bands even this day so that you might walk circumspectly before me and in a way that is pleasing unto me even in a new dimension says God.

And son and daughter know that I've even stationed angels round and about you. He said there is a movement in the heavenlies over you and he said there's been an open heaven placed above you that's pouring out upon you. And he said daughter and son know that as you declare and decree the angels will go out from among you and gather that which you have need of and draw those unto you that will be able to relate to you, to be able to support you, to be able to understand the teaching that you bring forth and the way that you bring forth.

He said you've kept your lives pure, you've kept your lives holy, you've attempted in every way to follow after me. He said and daughter and son know that even as you do that continually I will bring a stream of people around behind you that will allow that annointing to flow upon them. He said and there will be even a group developing around about you that will cause you to elevate even in the spirit realm says God. And even in the positioning that's upon you son and daughter know that there is that apostolic mantle upon you that will draw many unto me and he said as you do start to see even a fruition of things that you've dreamed about come to pass and know you don't have to wait for 20 years or 40 years or 80 years says God, it's going to start to happen around about you because the angels are causing a stir in the heavenlies says God over you and they will continue to move on your behalf.

So son and daughter know that this is a day of looking up unto me no longer look down to see where you've been to see where you're trodding he said but keep your heads lifted up high and your eyes focused on me and I will lead you every step of the way says God. I'll not allow you to stray to the left or the right but I'll set that path out before you and as you take a step of faith the road will appear it will start to be a walk of total faith following after me says God. As you hear my voice you'll step into the newness that I have for you says the Lord.

(Bob) So Father we thank you for your word let it go deep into their spirits, let heaven pervade and let hell shrink back! in Jesus' name amen.

Aaron is here!!!

He's been here since Saturday and we've even had a couple of days all by ourselves on the beautiful Prince Edward Island. Keep praying that all will go well with finding a job, car, place to live, and immigration. It's pretty complicated moving from one country to another. It's very good to have him with us again--the kids were very happy to see him to say the least. Hopefully the church thing will begin to take shape soon as well, any ideas for a name? We're leaning toward "New Covenant Grace Church" (I hope I'm allowed to divulge that information haha). And just for the fun of it I'll put up a couple of pictures as well.

Lions, Crocodile, and Buffalo?

I just watched this amateur nature video and it really got me excited. I know, I'm weird. Anyway, watching a pride of lions attack and catch a baby buffalo, then seeing a crocodile try to grab it from the lions, you lose hope for the poor little guy. But then an amazing thing happens. The buffalo herd comes back and start attacking the lions, and the baby gets up and is taken back into the herd. I just thought of how the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking to devour. Then I thought, the church will stand and the gates of hell will not prevail against it! We as the church have so much power in Christ, I got excited about how we can attack the lions even as they're in the midst of feasting on our own and rescue others-- if we stand together and don't give in to fear. I know it's a stretch, but that's really what was going through my head...

Satan's Role in My "Charismatic" Experience

I've been down in our basement all day going through boxes throwing things out, packing things up getting them ready to put in storage for our big move. I came across a bunch of papers that have been in hiding for probably 10 years and I can't resist posting something I wrote 'back then'. I'll set the stage for you a bit:

It was early in 1998, Aaron and I had been married for 2 years and he was the assistant pastor in a Wesleyan church. So I was a 20 year old pastor's wife. (This both amuses me and terrifies me to think back on!) We had been developing relationships with the pastors and people of The Meeting Place and also Dave and Rosie Fellingham from CCK in Brighton.

Satan's Role in My "Charismatic" Experience

For almost my whole life I've been a wonderful Christian. From my childhood I read the Bible regularly, rarely missed any service at church, and always tried my best to treat others kindly. Never in my life had I tried smoking, drinking, doing drugs, swearing, or sex outside of marriage. I knew a fair amount about the Bible and even attended Bible College for a year. I married a good Christian young man who was going into the ministry, and now I am a pastor's wife. Of course being the good Christian that I was, I struggled to become more disciplined at reading the Bible and praying, and of course I went to church and helped out as much as I could in ministry. So why was I feeling so far away from God?

After a few years of such a totally dry and impersonal relationship with God I began to question why we did church the way we did. I had been taught that the Bible was all true and God never changes and yet the church was so often just tradition with no power. In the course of being in the ministry I began to meet Christians from various other churches and denominations. That's when Satan began his luring tactics.

It all began with a deceptive friendliness and seemingly sincere love for brothers and sisters in Christ. Not that I wasn't aware of some of the "un-Biblical" experiences that were going on in some of these churches, but Satan has a way of making things look so attractive. Some of these people were crazy when it came to talking about God. I mean, they loved God as if He was a real person in a real relationship with them. And not only did they talk about Jesus as a friend, King, our shepherd; they considered Him to be a lover and bridegroom to the church.

Well, I guess I should have picked up on some of these things as warning signals but I was too far gone. I began to be more and more consumed by the desire to experience that kind of relationship with God. I eventually ended up at a service sponsored by some of these churches and something happened to me. I don't know how I could get to a place in my life where I not only allowed this to happen but wanted it to happen, but I let some people pray for me (with my husband). How gullible and vulnerable to let people put their hands on me and pray for me and prophecy over me as if I were living in Bible times or something!

And now to my problem: ever since this happened Satan has severely attacked me. At first it was just this overwhelming sense of peace and security in God's love. I kept waking up through the night with sensation of being wrapped up in God's love. I can't get rid of this problem. I think the next tactic of Satan was to draw my husband and I closer together in love and unity. We don't know how to deal with this because nothing like this has happened to us during all our involvement in the safe churches we've been in. To make matters worse, the very next morning, as if peace wasn't enough, I had a motivating desire to read my Bible and spend time with God. I realized Satan ruined my sense of guilt and obligation about my Christian duties and replaced them with a real desire to be with God. He even caused me to actually enjoy that time as I haven't in a very long time. A major Satanic interference in my life then caused our church to be cancelled due to weather and we attended yet another service at this other church. That afternoon I experienced a real time of intercession on behalf of several of my friends who are in need of Christ. I couldn't wait to share with them what God was doing in my life. I've never felt so loved and accepted in my whole life. I've never realized how much God really personally cares about me no matter what I do.

If you are appalled at my giving Satan the credit for the wonderful things God has been doing in my life, you should be. I realize now with great sadness that many Christians have doing this for too long--I mean, giving Satan the glory that belongs to God (I did). I believe it is time to wake up and find out what God is doing in the world so we can finally be a unified church working to save the lost.

It's alright, go ahead and laugh...I did!

What About Gray Areas?

I know I just shouldn't do it, but sometimes I do anyway. I was reading a blog which referred to an article called Gray Matters: Five Principles of Discernment by Eric Simmons (I have no idea who this is)and I want to scream out "stop the legalism!!!!" It's nothing personal, I just can't handle it. But it's EVERYWHERE. You just can't get away from it and no one seems to notice. This article opens with:

"Gray matters. We all deal with them ... those places in our lives where the line between "right" and "wrong" gets fuzzy. Or even disappears.

Is it OK just to fast-forward the sex scene and watch the rest of the movie?
Should I smoke a cigar with my unbelieving father?
How tight is too tight?
Can a Christian play poker?
Can I have a beer with dinner?"

The whole point seems to be that while there are many laws and commands clearly laid out for us in Scripture, sometimes thing are 'fuzzy' and we need to use discernment to figure out what God meant the law to be for us in this area. We seem to miss the point: we are dead to the law! And I'm sure people who think and teach this way have the best of intentions, but there is no mention of Christian freedom in all of this. What about grace? Thankfully there are a couple of other articles on the site that are about grace.

I think there is a deep misunderstanding of God and his holiness and our standing before him. We say yes, we've been made holy, but we don't believe it. We think that God in his holiness is still angry about our sin. Not our sin from the past of course, but if and when we sin now as his children. He is holy and hates sin...so of course isn't happy with us when we sin. The problem with this is that is goes against Scripture (and the very nature of God as our father. We still don't get it!!! HE LOVES US HE'S OVERJOYED WITH US HE'S PLEASED WITH CHRIST AND WE ARE IN CHRIST 100% OF THE TIME. We are in a new covenant now. We should not read the Old Testament looking for judgement, but looking for mercy (because we trust in the finished work of Jesus). I've been reading through Isaiah and the redemptive purposes of God are revealed there in amazing clarity. He is a God of great compassion toward his people. He is not disappointed with us. Don't you think his heart breaks to see us unaware of his love? To see us rushing around trying to figure out what pleases him, living in constant anxiety plucking our proverbial daisy petals "he loves me , he loves me not" ?? I could list many many examples of this kind of legalism being published all over the Internet, and sermons, and books and conferences...I'm saddened by it. I'm very very concerned for the people who are buying into it and the leaders who are sincerely but blindly leading them. And it sobers me to think how easily I am drawn into the same thing. I'm not being self-righteous I just feel I must tell the truth. I can't pretend legalism isn't serious and fatal and I can be quiet about it!

Of course I'm not saying it's o.k to sin, I'm saying we have the freedom to do whatever we want whenever we want if we're living according to the Spirit. I like what Ryan Rufus says in his book "Do Christians Still Have a Sinful Nature?" :

"...if the way we preach grace does not provoke the question, 'Shall we just keep sinning if grace will keep increasing?' then we are not preaching true grace!"

I'm praying that the church will begin to embrace true discernment and will uncover and destroy legalism wherever it's found. I'm praying we stop acting like the Pharisees coming up with new laws to try to please God and start celebrating the reason why God left so many areas 'gray'--FREEDOM!!!

I Don't Like Cathedrals

I've heard arguments about how the greatness of architecture and art inside immense ancient cathedrals helps people worship God and understand how big he is. I cannot agree at all, at all! I was thinking this morning about how I spend my life staring at four walls, only moving from one four-roomed wall to another, and how stifling and depressing this is. I grew up roaming woods and fields, splashing in brooks and ponds, exploring beaches and catching fish from our little fishing boat. I spent hours catching crabs and talking to my dog and singing songs to God from the end of an old wharf. I was so quickly intoxicated by fresh air as I ran and somersaulted and swirled through big open grassy spaces or ice-skated on big ponds cleared off by my Dad. I hate living in the city where the only nature we really have has been tampered with and and 'improved' until God's order is somehow rendered something more human--something much smaller.

And you won't convince me that these big cathedrals don't do the same thing. They make God as big as we like him to be and no more. They make us feel him to be far away and dreamy but not Emmanuel, God with us. They are more a monument to man's accomplishments than God's. God's great accomplishment involved coming here to earth as one of us, being born a helpless naked baby in a stable. He died a shameful death on a piece of wood, killed by the ones he made and came to save. He spent much of his time on earth trying to pull down the deceitful religion that looked so impressive on the outside and he is still at work today doing the same thing. Religion is a monument to man, not God. While men are busy building monuments to themselves, God is building the church, a people for his own who will be an eternal monument to his love, power, and all-surpassing glory.

When I talk about cathedrals, I want to make it clear that I think evangelicals are building their own kind every day. We spend millions of dollars in the name of ministry to build impressive buildings, buildings that stand as monuments to our worldly success of attracting so many people with so much money. We add pretty decorations and expensive crosses and call people to worship God, thinking these things somehow help them. We depend on sound systems and stages and pulpits and bands and choirs until the Holy Spirit is optional and even somewhat of an inconvenience to all our diligent planning.

It's funny, but when Jesus was asked where we should worship, he answered "...believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father...But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." (John 4:21-24)

So do I think it's wrong to meet together in a building? Nope. I just think the building shouldn't be a focal point at all. Have chairs and heat and rooms to use, whether rented or owned, but don't have another temple or mountain. To have another temple or mountain is to deny that the Spirit lives in us, and to deny the Spirit living in us is to deny Christ and admit we don't know saving faith. We must learn to leave behind old covenant thinking that emphasized the physical realm, because those things were only a sign of something better and more real to come. And it has come!!!

I'm going to continue in this theme soon as I'm working on some posts on baptism (infant vs. believer's). Stay tuned, and feel free to comment and try to convince me I'm wrong if you think I am. I promise to be kind in my responses...and I apologize for when I haven't been in the past.

Feminism--The Greatest Threat to the Church?

For many reasons, feminism and the question of true Biblical feminity has been on my mind. A recent post by Dan over at Life on Wings touching on this issue has got me thinking even more, so I'm finally taking the plunge and putting some of my thoughts out here. Feel free to engage me openly and even be hostile if you like.
Hmmm. I'm about to set out into stormy seas. Being a woman, I will always be suspected--whether in conversation or how I behave (or what I write here haha), there will always be a man thinking that I'm a feminist. That dirty hateful word. It's almost the worst insult I can think of, aside from 'woman'. I hate the fact that I am afraid to say what I really think, or to disagree with a man, especially my husband, on anything at all--afraid of being judged as 'one of those women'. Of course, this fear doesn't stop me from saying what I think.

I wanted to open the discussion on whether we think male cheuvenism is really dead or not in the subculture of complimentarian Christianity, and is feminism a major threat to the church. I am still a complimentarian, but I would like to begin really believing that women are equal, not below, men. I realize that bringing up this topic will tempt some people to question whether I'm a feminist. That's my point I guess. How did we get to this place where we are always looking for feminists? Are they really our greatest enemies or could it be that feminists are people too? I'm not sure these labels are helping us love people.

It worries me that the conservative church has focused so much energy toward fighting those outside of themselves. With all the attention focused on feminists and homosexuals, are we perhaps missing some even more dangerous problems within our own camp, such as legalism, self-righteousness, and pride? I'm asking these questions honestly to myself, and I'm becoming ashamed at how easily I've judged people I don't even know without having true compassion. I'm certainly not advocating ignoring what Scripture says about these areas, but maybe it's time to look at our own hearts and see if there's anything besides knowledge in there, like love.

I don't honestly believe that feminism is close to being the most dangerous issue the church is facing today (though it's certainly a problem in some segments of the western church). I appreciate Wayne Grudem's reluctance to label it as one of the biggest issues faced by today's church in a recent interview with Adrian Warnock. Feminism is a response (yes, a sinful response) to the lack of love and grace in the church. (I think if we want to destroy and prevent sinful feminism in the church, then we might begin by teaching men to love and respect women.) I think the greatest threat to the church is pharisaical arrogance and legalism.

Where are the great men of God rising up to speak out against this? Well, there are a few that I know of, and definately some that I don't know of. Men like Terry Virgo (see his book God's Lavish Grace or any of his sermons on grace) and Rob Rufus ( I highly recommend his 5 part sermon series The Grace Hating Spirit,see 2004 series). But I'm praying for many many more. Maybe the loudest message the world should be hearing from us is that 'Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst'

The Business of Mega-Church

I found an interesting article talking about applying the corporate business model to the way we do church. Anyone who knows me has probably already guessed my opinion of giant churches. I feel the same away about them as I do professional sports, particularly football. Enough said. Feel free to defend big churches and try to convince me they're not all bad-- I'm entirely too opinionated. You may possibly succeed on the church issue, but I don't think anyone could convince me football is good!

Communion...Meaningless???

I've grown up in the church observing communion, or the Lord's Supper, most of my life. The church we're attending at the moment offers communion every week, a practice I think is more Biblical then doing it once in a while. However, I'm very unaffected by the whole thing. It seems so pointless to me and I feel like a hypocrite every time I eat my little peice of cracker and drink from my miniature plastic cup. Is this a problem with me or the way we do things? Probably both. I just don't picture Jesus and the disciples sitting around a table with little cups of juice and a plate of broken crackers or bread. And I think the whole thing is symbolic of the way we live our lives as Christians much of the time. I mean, God has prepared us a lavish feast and we are content to nibble on crackers and taste grape juice. I guess I just can't help seeing our modern day version of the Lord's Supper as a mockery of sorts. He is all we ever need, fully able to completely satisfy and overwhelm us with his goodness, and the meals we share together are to be in remembrance of his abundant provision. The Corinthians were advised not to be gluttons and get drunk on the wine. This is not the problem we seem to be having at the Lord's table these days...

These are just some ramblling thoughts of mine and I'm looking for other thoughts on this subject that are more helpful than mine. I have a feeling I'm missing something important. I'm not trying to be critical, I just want to have a different experience of communion. I've started reading a book called "Till He Come, A Collection of Communion Addresses" by Spurgeon and so far it's good. I may post some quotes as I read it. Anything other suggestions would be appreciatied.

Newlife Church in Toronto has a commercial!

Adrian Warnock has been visiting with Andrew Fountain in Toronto and has posted a video clip of Andrew talking about the church plant in Toronto. Enjoy!

Real Community in the Church--Cerulean Sanctum

Dan Edelan is doing a series on community within the church right now that I'm really enjoying so far. Here is one comment that really stood out to me:

"If there's no real community at your church, then the Holy Spirit's not there. Pure and simple. If your church is a tenuous affiliation of individuals, then I don't care how powerful you may think the preaching, teaching, and worship are, your church is stone cold dead. We've got to stop lying to ourselves. The proof of the Holy Spirit's absence is right there in the lack of community within our churches."

Love, discernment of spirits, and the church...

I usually don't post long sections of Scripture to read, but I'm going to today. Since it's God's Word, it certainly won't hurt you. It's 1 John 4:1-21 (ESV).

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the
world already.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."


What little teaching I've heard on the beginning of this passage about testing the spirits usually emphasizes "every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God." I find it very interesting that in context there is a much more practical side to this discerning between the spirit of the antichrist and the Spirit of God. That is, if there is true love for others, then you know that the person is abiding in God and He in them. If there is not true love for others, that person does not know God. Just to clarify even further, the Bible defines what love for our brothers looks like:

1Jo 3:16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

Eph 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Phi 2:3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Phi 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.


This is a great help both in discerning dangerous false prophets/teachers, and in guarding against false assurance of salvation both in ourselves in others. At times in my life when I have battled with hate and anger toward anyone God has used
1 John to convict me, change me, and ultimately reassure me of His love for me and power to sustain me.

So what's the point of all of this? Well, I've been freshly reminded of the main function of the church. It is to love. Love as Christ loves. Love God, love our brothers, love those who are still lost sinners in the world. If the church is not love, it is not the church. Of course we won't love perfectly, but love is to be our aim, our highest mission statement. We're on a mission as God's ambassadors (2Co 5:20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.) and we are to be 'Jesus with skin on' as Jackie Pullinger says. Few of us are actually willing to love in the same way as Jesus did and does. I think that's why some of us battle with a sense of unfulfillment or failure sometimes. I lack power, but power is available to us to do God's work. I think I need to get to the Garden of Gethsemane and finally cry out from the depths of my being "not my will, but yours be done!" Right now I don't have the kind of love that makes me willing to really lay down my life for others. I'm spending all my effort trying to avoid it, with the excellent excuse that noone has laid down their life for me . Noone except God himself, that is.

And that's very true. The fact that God loves me and laid down his life for me should be more than enough to satisfy me and fill me with all joy and thankfulness, not to mention love for him. BUT, and here I must be careful, he intended that we as the church LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Why? He created us in his image, and we are to display his character in his body, his bride--the church. His love is so wonderful and powerful that it changes us forever. It makes us want to love him and it makes us want to demonstrate his love to others. This brings him amazing glory. That the most foolish, selfish, sinful creations on this earth could undergo such a complete transformation as to love others more than themselves testifies to a God of unestimatable power and ability and love.

And here comes my personal testimony. Hopefully I've shown some evidence in Scripture to support my personal experience, because experience alone is not enough (though I don't think truth without experience is any good either).

Basically, what I need is to experience God's love. Normally (not always), God has bypassed humans much of the time to directly manifest his love to me. But, over the past few days, he's been doing something a little different. He's used people instead, you know, imperfect people-- strangers,acquaintances, good friends, and family. It's a bit of a revelation in some ways. I've been and am being reassured of God's love for me and that always drastically improves my outlook on things. I think the main purpose of all this is to take our dogmatic intellectual belief" the church is so important, we need the church!" and make it real, if you know what I mean. We are experiencing our need for the church, it's no longer just head knowledge.

For the first time we are seriously considering becoming members of the church we've been attending over the past few months. The other night we went to a kind of worship and ministry service (that would make some of you very uncomfortable lol) and it was so refreshing to be in an atmosphere of love and peace and power. One of the pastors layed hands on me and prayed for me, knowing a bit of the situation, and then actually talked to us for a long time afterward. It's always such an amazing experience to be with people who embody God's Spirit and his love. I've only met a few people like this, and they're usually older. You can tell they've spent many years knowing God, and that's how I want to spend my years. We're realizing that this kind of love is far far more valuable to God than any amount of theological understanding. And this time I'm not going to qualify that. It's really true that

1Co 13:2 "And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. "

So that's my update. It's long, isn't it?

When questions should cease...

I don't know much about the emerging church movement (some kind of prevalent mindset), but I know lots of people are part of it. Maybe I don't know them well anymore, but it seems like everyone I grew up with is caught up in it somehow. I guess it's just the way this generation thinks in general if no one intervenes.

I have read that to this group, asking questions (without answers) is considered very good. Great amounts of time and effort go into sitting around having philospical discussions and coming up with more and more ingenious unanswerable questions. I'm the first to admit that I share some things in common with my own generation, of course, and am attracted by some of it. But I have a real problem with people questioning basic fundamental theology just for the fun of it.

If we have honest questions, we should ask, but we should expect real answers from (of all places) the Bible. God's very own Word to us. It really does have answers and those answers are not optional to believe. And that's when questions should cease-- when we find the answer in God's Word. Because once God has answered a question THERE IS NO LONGER ANY QUESTION ABOUT IT!


So that was my rant and I'm done. If only I wouldn't go looking for trouble where I don't belong anyway...

"...not lording it over..."

1 Peter 5:1-3
So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.


I think I mentioned before that we are in a time of learning and re-learning what church should look like (according to the NT) and also what leadership and ministry in the church should be like. I've recently come across some "spiritual abuse" stories, and together with our own experiences growing up in the church and more recently, I have been given lots of food for thought. As a bit of a disclaimer, some of these stories must be taken with the proverbial grain of salt. There are always two sides to every story, and then there God's perfect view of it all. It is not my intention to point the finger at anyone, but to understand what a servant of God to his church should be like.

I was really convicted by the following passage:

2 Co 6:3-13
We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

I believe this goes against much of what passes as loving leadership in the church. It definately illustrates what obedience to 1 Peter 5:1-3 might look like. I am certainly not for letting abusive congregations off the hook, but clearly there is a great responsibility on the part of leaders to love regardless of how they are treated. Here their hearts are "wide open' toward the church even though the people seem to be 'restricted in...affections". I have too many times spoken with pastors who seem to view their congregation as their worst enemy. I never want to let bitterness and resentment enter into my heart against the very people God has called me to love and minister to. Ministry is a great privelege and joy. Of course there will be 'hardships', 'calamaties', 'sleepless nights' and all the rest. But as we have the very same Spirit at work in us, we can also be 'always rejoicing'.

I can't see that much has been left out in this list. It seems Paul and his fellow workers were often abused both by those outside the church and those inside as well, truly taking it from all sides. And yet, they still dearly loved those who were given to them to shepherd.

And even after reading all the terrible things Paul endured, we still look forward to the day when we might be serving the church as leaders (or leader and wife, to clarify my complimentarian views haha). We certainly feel less and less qualified even as we feel more and more called! That's why I love how God teaches us that in our weakness we are strong. Doesn't that explain everything after all?



**For an excellent example/description of a loving shepherd, see my post on Arie and Marilyn Mangrum. The church can never have enough leaders like this, and we should always be thankful for the sacrificial love of people like these. God is good to his church.

Arie and Marilyn Mangrum

I mentioned in my post about the Cornerstone church reunion that I wanted to write more about the Mangrums. It was so good to see them again after such a long time and be able to express to them how thankful we are to know them and benefit from their ministry. I can think of only one other pastor in the world who I respect as much as Arie (well until Aaron is a pastor anyway), and that would be my own father. In fact, I think they share similarities when it comes to the quality of shepherding they have (or continue to) extended to the people God has placed in their care. Since not all who read this will know the Mangrums personally, I hope this will serve as a reminder to be thankful for the pastors/elders God has blessed you with, and stir you to love, honor, thank, encourage, and pray for them as often as possible.

I don't think it would be overstating the truth to say that Aaron and I look to Arie and Marilyn as heroes and examples. In looking toward a possible future in church planting and being married to a pastor, I hope and pray that I can be just a little like Marilyn is. In order to bring some kind of order to all my thoughts and memories of them, I think I'll just list the qualites I so admire and thank God for in them:

1. Hospitality. I don't think we were ever in their home without experiencing the presence of God in fellowship and prayer.

2. Humility. You will never come away from a conversation with either without understanding that they see themselves as utterly dependent on God for strength and grace.

3. Thankfulness. No matter what situation they are in (and there have been some very difficult ones), they are always brimming with gratefulness to God for his infinite mercies.

4. Love. Clearly they love God and people passionately, showing what it means to obey what Jesus said were the two most important commandments.

5. Prayer, prophecy, and encouragement. They excell at all of these and I think it's impossible to encounter either Arie or Marilyn at any time without coming away encouraged in some way.

6. Honesty. I value this greatly. In a world filled with deceitfulness and fear of man, it's a joy to fellowship with people who tell you the whole story. God gets all the glory.

7. Faith. They have trusted (and continue to trust)God while not understanding his plan, truly fighting the good fight. This is the faith that endures to the end.


I could say much more. We were able to go to MD the day after the reunion and hear Arie preach. We then ate lunch with them in their home and stayed until almost 8:00 that night! The time flew by so quickly as we talked about so many things, with our faith being built up by their stories and ours--the stories we all have of God's mercies poured out on us time and time again. I'm excited to see how God continues to use them to build his kingdom in the future. May God grant that we all experience this kind of fellowship more and more until we finally arrive at the ultimate expression of unity together with Christ in heaven.

A true family reunion...

I am still feeling the joyful effects of an amazing week-end. We were very blessed and thankful to be invited to a reunion of Cornerstone Church of Chester, PA on Saturday. Cornerstone was the first Sovereign Grace (then PDI) church we were a part of after moving back to Delaware in 1999. Although we were only there for 8 months and the church was later closed, we have always looked back on our time there as very important. Cornerstone was probably our first experience being part of a healthy New Testament kind of church, and I think it will always strongly influence our idea of what church should be like.

To give an idea of what made Cornerstone so extraordinary, I guess I would begin by telling you what did not make it extraordinary. The worship team did not have their own cd's out, the people were not rich or dressed in impressive styles, the pastor did not have his own radio show or books published, and there was no atrium or Starbucks. The thing about Cornerstone was you were enveloped in love the moment you walked in. It didn't matter who you were or where you came from, you belonged at Cornerstone.

When we arrived at the Hunter's house on Saturday afternoon, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Although we have seen a few of the families frequently at Covenant Fellowship, there many that we had not seen for a few years, or not at all since we left almost 7 years ago. There was a very good turn out and I was happy to see so many people I loved and missed so much. There was food of course, lots of catching up, children who had grown so much they were difficult to recognize, and babies who never had the chance to be part of Cornerstone. But it seemed like everyone was still waiting for something.

Finally Arie and Marilyn Mangrum walked in the door, everyone came alive with joy and excitement. Ever our beloved pastor, he eventually led us into a time of fellowship, each of us giving an account of all that God has been doing since our time at Cornerstone. Marriages have continued to grow, we have all moved on to be part of other churches and ministries, and long awaited answers to prayers have been answered. We all had much to thank God for. And yet there was a bitter-sweet sense that none of us had yet met with anything that compared to what we enjoyed together when were a church. We worshipped together, singing "Haven't You Been Good", and prayed for each other and enjoyed the presence of the Holy Spirit just like old times. And we stayed later than we should, considering it to be the best anniversary gift in the world just to be with these people. To us, in the midst of a difficult time, it was an incredible expression of God's love for us and a taste of what we've been promised one day in heaven. We left feeling more encouraged and in faith than we have been in a long time.

The next day we drove down to Joppa, MD to hear Arie preach at Chesapeake Community Church where he is now on staff. We were very happy to be able to impose ourselves on them for the whole day, but I'm leaving that to a future post (probably to be titled something like: "A Tribute to Arie and Marilyn Mangrum, Two of the Greatest People on Earth",or some other such title likely to horrify them!) So I end for now, very grateful for our God who always takes care of us, and lavishes us with grace and mercy beyond our greatest imaginations.