When You Leave a Cult...

I guess it has been 5 years since we left, it's so hard to believe.  We live in a different country, have added  another child to our family, and we are different people.  Some of the people we left behind think we're different too but they don't see it as a good thing...

  It's easy sometimes to forget how your experiences shape your thinking and everything you do.  On some days I feel that we are so much freer and happier, and on others, well, I'm still just trying to survive.  Though I don't often comment anymore on the blog SGM Survivors, I have always followed it and speak up now and again, especially if I think my words can somehow be an encouragement to someone else who is leaving (or contemplating it).   I think it's good to remember where you've come from, so I'm remembering.  And I'm thankful.

I don't regret our time in SGM.  We met some amazing people, learned theological perspectives that were new to us, and in the end we crashed and found that God's grace was there to rescue us from the rock bottom. We learned to never trust in the charisma of men, not to be fooled by fine-sounding arguments, not to believe false-humility.  We learned through it all who we really are in Christ, and to NEVER let any human being dictate to us who we are or should be.  I think we learned that freedom is the right and privelege of every single son of God; spiritual, intellectual, and emotional freedom. It's  something that no one can take from us but we can be persuaded and deceived into giving it up. It's something I will never give up again by God's grace. 

And there are some marks left from  all that we went through.  I'm still cynical and suspicious of churches and leaders.  I can't bear even the slightest insinuation of male chauvenism.  I will bolt like a frightened animal at the first sign of someone wanting to put me in a cage or control me.  I don't trust people, or should I say, religious people.  And legalism?  Not on my watch. 

I think as time goes on I grow and heal, but I'm sure I am forever changed in some way.  Life is like that.  Today I re-read the letter I wrote to Aaron a few months after we left the church.  I read it once or twice a year probably to remember.  I smile when I think of all the wonderful people God used to help us and  love us during a time of such confusion and bitterness.    I told my husband I was moving out and leaving the kids behind.  I was afraid I would become abusive toward them because I was breaking down, depressed, suicidal.  I spent my days in bed crying and escaping the house alone whenever possible.  The people we left behind didn't know us because we had spent all our energy trying to be who we were supposed to be, we didn't know each other anymore, or ourselves. 

All I knew was that I didn't fit the roles I had embraced as  "biblical".  I was a failure as a wife and a mother, the very essence of who I was supposed to be as a woman  ( as I was told) and I was miserable being chained to those roles, confined and suppressed for lack of male anatomy.  And every time my mind dared to ponder even the edges of my feelings about it all the guilt would come crashing in on my head in powerful waves, I could feel the sickening weight of condemnation in my stomach.  Because I had been well-taught and I knew that to think these things was evil and proud. How well I remember the feelings of condemnation!  I used to think it was a mark of holiness and humility and worried if I didn't feel it for a moment!   I was addicted to guilt but it was killing me as surely as any drug. 

Aaron and I had lost any sense true intimacy and connection.  All that seemed to hold us together after leaving was the common misery we found ourselves in.  Thank God for the gift of wonderful friends  who had left or were leaving at the same time, we talked for hours and hours processing everything in detail in a way I'm sure anyone from the outside would not have understood.    We were warned about the dangers of anger and bitterness and unforgiveness by many but it was in the freedom of true friendship that we were able to let it all out and deal with it without fear of judgement.  And then there were a few pastors from other places that loved us and prayed for us and helped us to know that not all leaders are power-hungry controllers.  Not all pastors teach and train people to submit to all their wishes and worship them.  Some just love people.  It's true, they are out there. 

Over time, our marriage became a marriage again. As we learned how to be ourselves (instead of trying to be the perfect husband/father and perfect wife/mother) I guess we discovered again that we like each other, the real versions.  When you take the performance requirements out of your marriage, there is room for love again.  There is room to make mistakes and laugh and move on.  And kicking your pastors out of your bedroom doesn't hurt either. Ha.  You see, at first we didn't know how to do anything on our own we were so used to having every detail dictated to us.  How to discipline  your kids, how to submit to your husband, how to control I mean lead your wife, what to say if someone says this or that, how to pray, what to read, how your sex life should be, and on and on....there are always special meetingsto "help" you do everything and anything in your life.  

But we started to figure it out together, the way God intended I think.  We became a team, unified, best friends.  You can't be best friends with someone who is not your equal but we discovered that we were equal and we needed each other.  I wasn't just a slave anymore (gasp).  I'm not saying that Aaron was to blame here, I was just as brainwashed as he was.  I don't think either of us fit in to this pattern and acted contrary to it all the time but we felt so terrible when we fell outside the roles we were taught.

I am rambling...just reflecting...just throwing it out there that it's a hard thing to do to leave any religous/controlling culture, but it can be done!  You can survive it, you can overcome it, you can be happy and free.  Not always happy, not perfectly happy, but you can feel whatever you want, whenever you want.  Yes, you can have your very own feelings and thoughts and words again.  And when you do that, you'll find you start encouraging your husband/wife, children, friends, everyone, to be free too!   And you can read your old good-bye letters and suicide notes and be glad you pushed forward and moved on to greener pastures. There is only one true Shepherd and he won't lead you wrong...trust him.

John Piper, Log In Your Eye??? Blasting the Emergent Church

Hmmmm. This little snippet made me angry on so many levels. First, the arrogance is palpable and sickening, the self-righteousness. Pointing a finger at the 'immorality' of the emerging/emergent (he ignorantly uses the two terms interchangeably) community when I know from experience that the same sin is in Piper's own doctrinal camp, just covered up better. And Piper refuses to do anything about these things! Because they buy his books? I don't know why but anyway....

Could it be that the people who are drawn to the emerging church have already been screwed up by so-called orthodox churches? By powerrful men who preach the 'truth'? Could it be that at least part of the fault of the implosion of personal lives lies with churches like Piper's church? I don't know what Piper's church is like, never been there, never looked into it. I do know what kinds of things go on in a SGM church, or Mark Driscoll's church, and all of it is endorsed by Piper by his words and by his silence. I've never heard him criticize or address any of these men in the way he is willing to blast and name men in the emerging/ent church. He blasts Mclaren's book even after admitting he's never read it! Isn't this more akin to slander? I mean, if he'd read it and has criticism, fine. But to spread negative things about it on hearsay just seems wrong to me.

And forget the whole pot calling kettle black! All the reform guys I'm familiar with are preaching at least some heresy. Yes, they are commonly accepted traditional lies that most people believe, but that doesn't make them any more true. Legalism is a doctrine of and from demons. Yet they continue to live it and preach it. I'm so done with the shiny man on the pedestal, book deal in hand. Am I cynical? I guess. But it's not that I have no faith in God, it's just I know God's heart is so far from these self-righteous moral judgements, the kind that can hardly contain the glee over people's lives falling apart.

Honestly? The emergent church and reform camp have a major flaw in common. They're both still trying to live under law, it's just the emergent crowd has decided to loosen up some rules and reorganize the priority of others. They will do away with rules about homosexuality and set up new standards in fighting injustice and poverty. In the end, people subsctibing to either of these sets of standards will end up falling hard, hopefully during this life and not standing before God on the day of judgement, however you believe that goes down.

The reform guys boast of their knowledge of truth, the emerging guys boast of their knowledge of the world and their compassion, as far as I can see, both groups are still being crushed and can't carry the heavy burdens they want to put on other people.

I love you both. You both have some good points, but you're both wrong. But Piper needs to wake up and realize that just like feminists exist because the arrogance and selfishness of men in the church, so the a large group of people have emerged from 'traditionsl' churches and religion due mainly to being very hurt and confused. Maybe it's time to take a look at the huge log in your eye...before you start casting stones.

The Spiritual Olympics

Lately it seems I'm running into this problem everywhere I turn. Many of us have been set free from the law mindset, we know we never have to try to live up to the Law's standards of righteous in order to be righteous. We know it, we really do! But we don't. In the back of our mind we hear the accusations of our enemy, the little whisper that says "if this grace stuff really is true, you'd be performing better than you did under Law, see that legalist over there? Their marriage is better, they read the Bible more, they worship more passionately."

In fact, every time we make a mistake or something goes terribly wrong in our lives, we feel as if we are on display to every legalist we know, and the weight of the world settles on our shoulders. Now if they don't believe in the gospel of grace, it will be our fault. Grace isn't working for us right now because if it were, we'd be meeting or exceeding the standards of the Law. OOPS!!!! I thought we were no longer under the Law!?!?!?

We are DEAD to the Law. DEAD. DEAD DEAD DEAD! Stop comparing yourself to the Law's standard, or to anyone else's standards! If John Doe Christian out there is giving 75% of his income and living on oatmeal to do it, good for him! If Sister Sally Sadducee happens to pray 3 hours a day and moan and groan and go without food in order to see a hundred souls a day won, give her a pat on the back on your way to bountiful table of food your Father has blessed you with and enjoy! We are NOT in competition with legalists, and I don't care what it looks like, if we were in a competition they wouldn't be winning.

How do I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt? Because the race we're running is the race of faith. NOT the race of self-righteous performance. The moment anyone steps out of the race of faith to start running in the flesh, powering on through their own effort and striving, they've stopped off the same way the hare did in the famous tale of the tortoise and the hare. I think many legalists will watch those in grace and think we're moving far too slowly to ever finish the race, but they are deceived. They think they are running hard and fast when in actuality they've stepped out of the race altogether. If they make it to the finish line at all it will be because Jesus picks them up at some point and carries them across just in time. Even then, it will have nothing to do with their effort but will be due to their grain of mustard seed faith buried deep down under all their dead works.

Stop comparing yourself to the shiny legalist. All you see is the outside of the cup and dish, the whitewashed tomb. Take it from an ex-legalist: the inside is all death. But you, you are alive and free and resting in Jesus!

Why I Don't Like the Puritans...

I confess that I don't have a favorable impression of the Puritans. Maybe it's not fair or right and I hope some people can give me some reasons to like them at least a little... But when I pick up a book at random and find a quote like this right away, I ask you, can you blame me?

"Repentance is necessary for God's own people, who have a areal work of grace and are Israelites indeed. They must offer up a daily sacrifice of tears. The Antimomians hold that when any come to be believers, they have a writ of ease, and there remains nothing for them now to do but to rejoice. Yes, they have something else to do, and that is to repent. Repentance is a continuous act. The issue of godly sorrow must not be quite stopped till death..." Thomas Watson, from The Doctrine of Repentance

I'm sorry, but is it any wonder that many of the Puritans struggled with depression and suicide? How terrible a way to live! I agree with much of what I read of repentance concerning the unbelievers, except perhaps the general understanding of what repentance really is. And why in books from all eras do the references never have anything to do with the point the author is making? Do they think we won't look it up and read it in context and see that they have just put in their opinion with a reference tacked on to fool us that it's really God's opinion?

How random a post is this haha....

Oh and one more question: Why is Spurgeon considered a Puritan? I have certainly not read all of his writing but everything I have read seems much more grace-filled and cheerful (don't even get me going on John Owen!), it seems like Spurgeon doesn't fit.

Dear On-Fire Christian...

Dear On-Fire Christian(/legalist):

First of all, I have to say that as infuriating a conversation with you can be at times, I really do love you. And I understand where you're coming from because that is where I have come from. Maybe that's why your words are so frustrating to me, I remember so clearly not so long ago living the 'life' you're living, speaking the same words to people, feeling the self-righteous rush of satisfaction when I thought I'd pleased God with my 'ministry'. I remember how good it felt to have said the right thing at the right time to someone who obviously needed my help to do better or be better, to get their life in order. What a high you can get from giving someone the answer to all their problems, the exact prescription they need, what they need to do to get what they want in life, to get closer to God, to become more holy and righteous and respectable in the church. Yes, I remember...

So thank-you for your good intentions, I appreciate your sincere concern and care. But you needn't waste your time worrying about me! I admit I don't go to church right now, I even admit that I don't want to go to any church I know of. I admit that church is either mind numbingly boring or alternately infuriating to me and I avoid going like the plague. I say 'church' with your idea of church in mind; the so-called organized church of any and all shapes, sizes, denominations,systems, theological slants, or various creative versions of it. And I don't think less of anyone who is part of that church, if you enjoy it then more power to you! I'm glad you can, and part of me wishes I could too...I'm sad that for me the 'meeting together' happens less often and regularly at my house or someone else's, on the phone or online...

It's a little lonely sometimes, and sometimes I dream of packing up and moving far away to live closer to people who know what we're talking about when we say 'gospel' or 'grace' ! But we belong here, here with the chickens and ducks, rabbits and cats, one dog and four children...and no grace church. But as lonely as ever I get, I can't come to your church and sit by while everyone is slowly crushed to death by the weight of the law, either by a little law or much more. Don't tell me all proud of yourself and your church that you only mix in a little bit, that really won't impress me. I'd rather you went the whole way and preached the entire Old Covenant and left Jesus completely out of it, you're tarnishing his Good Name, the name I love. So if you think you can guilt me or in some way manipulate me to go to church, yours or somewhere else, I think you might sooner convince me of my need to go to synagogue. Honestly I stay away from your church out of respect, I know I won't fit in there. I know I might get up some day in the middle of your service and scream because I can't take anymore of that bull dung (I forego using the appropriate word out of respect for you). See? Now you made me cry. I can't stop thinking about all the words you spoke to me, words of condemnation though you don't even know enough to see it. Condemnation is second nature to you in your spiritual world. You are the serious christian, and now, thank God, I am not. I'm just a beloved son of God with whom he is well pleased.

And I don't spend even a second of my days anymore worrying about the right or wrong of what I'm doing. I'm not busy trying to get close to him, to try and figure out his will about what I should be doing. I'm not anxiously trying to please him and there are no special conditions I need in order to worship him or experience his presence. So please forgive me if I politely ignore your advice to seek his face, to pray and ask him to show me his will, as though you already know exactly what his will for me is and what I should be doing. In fact, if you're right, why do I need to pray? You already graciously told me exactly what his will for me is, and if I don't do it then you can continue to graciously pity me because I must be miserable in my rebellious disobedience to your christian rules and regulations.

I don't mind you pitying me, really I don't. I am happier and freer than I've ever been in my life. I don't want to kill myself or divorce my husband, and attribute this largely to have gotten out of the horrible guilt system that we call the church. I am part of a happy church now, one that will hopefully materialize here physically some day soon...which is, after all, why we moved here in the first place. But it's hard to be in such a hurry when I'm resting in God, knowing that his timing is good and perfect. I'm sorry that it freaks you out to see me so calm and peaceful when you think I should be striving and working. How can I even tell you that I'm happy in God and he in me? You have no category for such a statement, you wouldn't even know what I'm talking about, it would just worry you more that I'm so casual about 'sin' and 'righteousness'. But you miss the passion I have for the gospel! Passion and burning joy in the truth that we have already been given everything need for life and godliness in Jesus! I lack nothing. I am excited to grow and learn more in grace, to receive more and more glorious revelation of what I've received, but I LACK NOTHING!

So though I love you very much on-fire christian, I will not join you in YOUR lack. I am not judging you, you have admitted your lack with your many different words and arguments and I can see that you want me to join you in your lack and your striving to be filled by God. You will never find what you seek as long as you are operating by old covenant strategies. There is only one way to have God and his loving blessing on your life and that is only faith in Jesus, not ever ever ever ANYTHING you may do. Not prayer, not fasting, not worship, not obedience of any sort...and conversely, not praying, not fasting, not worshipping, not obeying can never remove the loving blessing of God on your life once you have received him by faith.

But I too would love to talk more. I would love to talk about the gospel next time we talk, to revel in the goodness of God's love for both of us, instead of worrying about the knowledge of good and evil, trying to figure out right and wrong. Has that ever helped anyone do better or meet God's perfect standard of righteousness? I have probably heard thousands of such sermons and teaching over my lifetime and can tell you it never did me any good. I spent my days up and down between self-righteous triumph and suicidal self-hatred according to my perception of how well I obeyed the church's (God's?) law for me. Ironically I am still respected as a very godly person in many of my past circles because I was such a legalist! I hope that God uses my past legalism to give me some credibility when I meet these people and with you now that I am able to share the good news!

Sorry for my long long rant, and I apologize for rolling my eyes so much as we talked on the phone, I hope I will remember not to do that if you ever come over and talk in person...

Sincerly,
Jul

Life Under the Law is Like This.... (Nickel Creek-Doubting Thomas)

I've always loved this song so much, and I was inspired by Sheila over at A Season of Harvest to post some Nickel Creek. And, like my good friend Dan, I'm often moved by secular songs far more than Christian songs...and dare I say, often they are more truthful.



This song always reminds me of how difficult it is sometimes growing up in the religious church world, I mean, it is too often very confusing. And depressing. As I've often said, I'm very thankful I was brought up in the church learning lots of truth from an early age and coming into a relationship with God very young, but there is a lot of unlearning I've had to do as well. This song always reminds me of the prodigals, both those I know and those I don't. And it makes me long for them to come home to their Father who loves them and isn't waiting to load them down with heavy burdens but just wants to give them rest.

Law: License to Sin

I'm not sure why people never think of law as a license to sin but that's what the Pharisees and other religious leaders used law for. They were constantly trying to justify actions and beliefs that God hated, including accusing Jesus of sinning! They literally used the law to get away with murder (first Jesus, later the Christians).

Jesus took many opportunities to set them straight and time and time again. He was constantly trying to show them that to truly know the Father they should take their eyes off the law and put them on himself. The law was given as a guardian until Jesus came, but when the Father came many legalists chose the guardian over their own father!

Over and over, the religious people missed the point of the law, and still today they are doing the same. They continue to focus on whitewashing their tombs, on cleaning the outside of their cups and dishes, on preaching laws that keep people far from God trembling in fear and shame, on following rules and regulations instead of receiving and sharing God's love and mercy provided in the finished work of Jesus. They puff themselves up with a false sense of spirituality because they think it pious to choose the bad news over the good news, and they are deeply suspicious and condemning toward anyone who lives in the joyful simplicity of faith in God's good heart of love to his children.

"And a man was there with a withered hand. And they asked him, "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?"— so that they might accuse him. He said to them, "Which one of you who has a sheep, if it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will not take hold of it and lift it out? Of how much more value is a man than a sheep! So it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath." Matthew 12:10-12

"But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.

"Woe to you, blind guides, who say, 'If anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.' You blind fools! For which is greater, the gold or the temple that has made the gold sacred? And you say, 'If anyone swears by the altar, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gift that is on the altar, he is bound by his oath.' You blind men! For which is greater, the gift or the altar that makes the gift sacred? So whoever swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. And whoever swears by the temple swears by it and by him who dwells in it. And whoever swears by heaven swears by the throne of God and by him who sits upon it.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and decorate the monuments of the righteous, saying, 'If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.' Thus you witness against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers. You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell? Therefore I send you prophets and wise men and scribes, some of whom you will kill and crucify, and some you will flog in your synagogues and persecute from town to town, so that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on earth, from the blood of innocent Abel to the blood of Zechariah the son of Barachiah, whom you murdered between the sanctuary and the altar. Truly, I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation. Matthew 23:13-36

Legalism has never produced anything good. It can only produce death, hypocrisy, and self-deceived fools. Believe me, I know what it's like to be a legalist, I remember it well! If you believe that the law is a means to produce any good thing in you, you are setting yourself up for woe. You will not and cannot please God through obeying the law and he is never impressed by your attention to details and technicalities. He is looking for one thing: FAITH.

In the New Covenant, faith IS obedience!

"Then they said to him, "What must we do, to be doing the works of God?" Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent."
John 6:28

Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20-30-31

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." Romans 1:15-17

And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness, just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one to whom God counts righteousness apart from works:
"Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,
and whose sins are covered;
blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin." Romans 4:5-8

"This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us." 1 John 3:19-24

I will say it again! Faith is obedience! When we believe in Jesus our belief is credited as righteousness, we are pleasing God so much, he is so happy with us! When we believe in Jesus, our sins are no longer counted against us! When we believe in Jesus, we are born again by the Spirit so that the life we live in the flesh is by faith in the Son of God, not by adherence to the law.

Oh yes, I know it's not clear enough yet so I will say it, you won't find faith is impotent like the old husband law. The law of Christ, the law of liberty, the law of faith, the law of the Spirit of life!!--yes, it will produce many good things in our lives in God's good time. In fact, it the only way anything we do will not be burned up in the fire as hay and stubble. Only faith can produce anything that lasts.

Now you can safely and confidently take your eyes off yourself and your performance, go ahead. Now you can let go of your striving and enter his rest. Now to him you can give all the glory forever! We are yours Jesus!

"Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages but has now been disclosed and through the prophetic writings has been made known to all nations, according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith— to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen." Romans 16:25-27

Legalism in Sanctification

One of the most frustrating things to deal with is people who understand that justification is by faith through grace and therefore believe there is no possible way that they are legalistic though they believe that they must follow laws in order to be sanctified. It's frustrating because the book of Galatians was clearly written specifically to deal with those who began in the Spirit by faith but were trying to 'be perfected' (hello, sanctification!) in the flesh. 'In the flesh' is clearly connected to 'under law' if you read on in chapter 3. So I was happy to find that Steve McVey addresses this very thing briefly in one of the 101 lies videos, Christian lies #30 "legalism is salvation by works".



If you are one of those who believe that salvation is from faith to works, I hope you are able to re-read Galatians keeping in mind that their problem was not beginning right but not continuing in faith. Don't worry! I'm not saying grace is a licence to sin! True sanctification will only happen if you believe God enough to totally abandon any hope in your obedience to the law and live by his Spirit. Do you think he will lead you into sin???????????

The Serpent in the Church

I know, I know, same old stuff! I just am having a hard time understanding why believers want to cling to the Law. Why is it we have such a difficult time throwing ourselves at the mercy of Jesus? Why do we still think that we are somehow lacking, that we have not really been created in God's image, that we need to become like God by our own effort?

Adam and Eve were perfect, had perfect standing before God and perfect fellowship with God. They were created in God's own image!!! And yet they fell for the lie when the serpent came to them saying "don't you want to be like God?", they decided that God's word pronouncing them to be in his image was not enough and they decided that having the knowledge of good and evil ( MORAL LAW) would be able to make them more godly.

And so sin entered Adam's race through the seemingly good desire to be more godly
and our perfect standing and perfect fellowship with God was broken. God provided temporary forgiveness through the shedding of the blood of animals so that man could still have some semblance of relationship with his Creator. But the reason the blood of animals had any power was because of the blood of Jesus which would be shed at the right moment in history, once for all. God had a plan to completely destroy the power of Satan, and that plan was to forge a new covenant with man that was completely unbreakable!

This covenant was ratified by God the father and God the Son, Jesus, who became human in order to break the curse of sin and the law (which is the power of sin, not the other way around 1 Cor. 15:55-57) BECAUSE JESUS IS THE MEDIATOR OF THIS NEW COVENANT IT CAN NEVER BE BROKEN BY US. We enter into the new covenant simply by agreeing that Jesus may be our representative, by putting our trust in him. This, my friends, is the simple good news that we call the gospel!

So, Scripture is clear! We are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), we are the righteousness of God ( 2 Corinthians 5:20-21. I hope we can all agree that we've been reconciled back to God and our original position in Adam before the fall has not only been restored but it has been restored permanently without any fear of our breaking the covenant this time...once again...because of Jesus...

Now, though Satan can never ever affect our relationship with God the way he did with Adam, he can still tell us lies which, if we choose to believe them, will produce unbelief in God. This unbelief will drastically undermine the level of freedom and power we walk in. In fact, unbelief will lead us to live according to the flesh under law rather than by the Spirit, and it will cause us to sin.

The saddest thing about this is that most of the church seems to be falling for the same lie Adam did! The serpent has slithered his way into the church and he is still expounding the benefits of the Law! After being restored back to our Creator's original design, we are still tempted to believe that we need the knowledge of good and evil, the moral law (the ten commandments!) to perfect us, faith in Jesus is far too simplistic.

I don't believe that the Law was given to reveal the character of God, for one thing, there is no evil in God. And if that were the case, the law would have been given to Adam and Eve in the very beginning. The law was given to reveal the fallen character of man,to uncover sin, to provoke sin, to make sin spring to life(Romans 7:4-6, Romans 7:9). Jesus was given to reveal the character of God!

"And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father’s side, he has made him known." John 1:16-18

Do you really believe this? We could not intimately know God through the law which came through Moses, in fact, any of the Old Testament people who knew God knew God by faith. Though for hundreds of years the Jews worked to obey the law and thereby know God, Scripture tells us that no one saw God until Jesus. The law was not given to reveal God to us, the law actually separates us from God by producing fear in us (Hebrews 12:18-21), it perpetuates death and curse, it can only uncover our sin and it keeps us in bondage as slaves(Gal. 4:1-7).

Jesus came to reveal God to us for the first time (as fallen man) and he came to do battle with sin and the law (which are the weapons that armed the devil against us Col. 2:13-15), to die through the law to the law (Gal. 2:18-20), to cancel the written code that stood against us, to become the end of the law for all who believe (Romans 10:4), because he did not come to condemn the lost but to save them and the law could not save us! That's why Jesus came with truth and grace, not the law!

So next time the serpent comes to you extolling the beauty and wonder of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, why don't you pass...why don't you take the bread and the cup and feast on the love of Jesus? The serpent doesn't belong in the church anymore.

Doubt, Discouragement...Hunger! (a bit of rambling)

I am a passionate person, I don't know of anyone who knows me who would disagree. I am hot or cold, I am extreme, intense. I'm not saying I can't be relaxed because more and more I'm just peaceful and relaxed. But when I believe something, I really believe it! Funnily enough this can lead me to get discouraged and doubt I mean doubt everything. When I don't see healing, or financial provision, or changes in people/relationships, or whatever, I get angry sometimes. I start thinking that maybe this God stuff is all my imagination, that maybe none of it is real. Like I said, I'm either hot or cold!

But generally my extreme doubts, anger, discouragement, even depression all add up to one thing--hunger. I am starving for intimacy, a fresh experience, a fresh conversation, with Jesus. I just miss him. Do you know what I mean? I think my Christian experience has been pretty broad, non-charismatic and charismatic, arminian and calvinist, etc... But every church I've ever been part of has had legalism as a common denominator.

Some mixed in a little law, some alot. Some were honest about it, some called it 'grace'. But even if the methods or doctrines about getting God to show up or do something were different, they all had methods. Some believed that prayer was the key (yeah, I've read Ravenhill and God knows how many others), some believe if you really want something (revival anyone?) than add fasting to that. Some say confessions of sin and repentance is key, actually, many claim this on both arminian and calvinist sides. We must consecrate the temple, purify it, clean it out or the Holy Spirit will not fill the temple (this leans very heavily on OT imagery obviously). I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of people who believe that faith and the word of faith (speaking things out) is the key to getting whatever it is that you need.

I believe that faith and prayer are great, but they are the fruit of the answer, not the answer. There is no method for receiving any of God's blessings, the greatest of which is his constant presence. I'm tired of begging God for what I need or want, especially begging for him to reveal himself, manifest himself to me.

You see, when I first started listening to Rob Rufus, getting my first real glimpse of the glorious gospel of grace, I would be caught up in a crazy swirl of joy and love, it was euphoric and it would last for hours sometimes. I would wake up in the night and God's presence was so real! His voice was so clear! It was beautiful and wonderful. At any moment in the day I could say "God, you there?" and he would be there in this tangible powerful way. I was so caught up in his love!

But then something really weird happened, which I don't think I've shared with anyone but Aaron. One night after listening to some grace preaching I was lying in bed still caught up in God's glorious presence and I must have drifted off to sleep. I was woken up by such an evil presence that was paralyzing me so that I could not speak without a pronounced effort. Finally I said "Jesus" and the evil presence left.

Now, things like this had happened to me lots of times before, but for some reason this experience had a horrible effect on me. Because I fell asleep in God's presence and woke up in fear, in my mind God's presence just kind of turned on me so to speak. It's really strange, but especially at first I could not experience God's presence anymore the way I had been because every time he came I became afraid, I instinctively withdrew. Very very strange, since in general I'm not afraid of demons (apart from the initial reaction when you're first caught off guard or you're having a dream) Over time the effects have been dulled and of course I've experienced God's presence many times, but it has never been the same.

I know this is a very weird story but I guess I don't care what people think of me so much. I don't really know why I'm sharing it in relation to this post but I think I'll just leave it for whatever it's worth.

Anyway, I don't appreciate worship songs that are begging for God to come or whatever. I think they ignore the fact that he has come, Jesus has come and made a way for us to enter into the holy of holies! There is a new a living way, not a dead ritualistic way that sends in the holiest guy you can find with a rope tied around his leg hoping he can please God enough to get everyone safely through another year.

Now we have a great high priest who has entered the holy place with his own blood. Did God strike him down? Or is the blood of Jesus so superior to the blood of bulls and goats that God had to strike down the whole system? The curtain was torn from top to bottom because for any other sacrifice to be offered after the blood of Jesus had been sprinkled would have been blasphemy. Think about that!

We are not beggars, we are sons! We live in our father's kingdom, we carry out his word, his work, with authority. There is no power on earth that can stop us from victory! There is no power on earth that can keep us from our father and his love.

I'm putting up another song that I love. I love it because it doesn't say "will you come" it says "you will come". Now yes, he is already here, but he also promised to come! He said where two or three were gathered he'd be there, he also said "I will never leave you". So both are true, but in either case, there's no place for begging unless you are under the law and still a slave. But I am not!

Breaking Free From Fear, Control, Spiritual Abuse, Shame, and Guilt Manipulation

I just wanted to post some links to a few resources for those who have come out of, are coming out of, or want to come out of legalistic control situations. The first and greatest resource is the true Gospel, the pure good news that Jesus came to bring. He himself declared that he did not come to condemn but to find and save the lost. He also declared that anyone who was heavy laden and weary could come to him for peace and rest, that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. If you are not living in the glorious freedom of this as a believer, than you have been listening to lies. No matter where the lies are coming from, the answer is to hear truth!

Any of the resources I recommend will be based on the fact that they unashamedly preach the good news. Here are some, which I'm sure I've recommended many times before:

Joseph Prince (New Creation Church Singapore)

Bertie Brits (Dynamic Love Ministries)

Steve McVey (Grace Walk)


I'm sure there are many others preaching the glorious good news as well, seek them out and allow God to restore your hearts and minds back to the truth of his loving goodness.

God is not and never will be angry with you ever again, any preacher who even hints otherwise (if you believe in Jesus for your salvation) is a liar perpetuating the agenda of demons. I don't mind stating things so clearly when I have Scripture that states things so clearly! (Isaiah 54) You will not be judged for any sin that Jesus has been judged for in your place, so stop letting arrogant men bully you into jumping through their hoops of godliness. Righteousness is a gift from God, and any true preaching of the Gospel will highlight that fact, not your sin.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith."

Romans 1:16-17

Do you see it? In the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed, from faith for faith....not the sin of man is revealed, not from faith to works or obedience to the law. If anyone starts preaching another gospel then he is under a curse, and so are all who believe him. Basic Galatians here...

God wants to set you free from all curses and pour out his blessing on you, but you must believe that Jesus, Jesus alone, is enough for you and your sin, is enough for you and your righteousness. When we refuse to receive the righteousness of Jesus as a gift, we will be left to beating our flesh into submission and obedience. Our flesh will fail us every single time. If righteousness could be gained through obedience to the law, then Jesus died for nothing (Galatians again!).

So if you are not free, you are not sure of God's love for you, are not sure he's not ever angry with you, do not have an abundance of joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control etc... you can be sure the old serpent has unlawfully (1 Tim.) slithered back into your life to persuade you that you have not been born again into God's own image, that God has not given you every good thing in salvation, that you need to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Yeah, if you just have that knowledge what's right, what's wrong (thanks so much pastor for being willing to continually expound this for us) then we will be more like God, more godly. WAKE UP! THIS IS THE DEVIL'S OLDEST TRICK!!!

So people, come out into the glorious light of Jesus who loves you dearly! Hear the truth and believe it, it's not too good to be true, IT IS SO GOOD BECAUSE IT IS SO TRUE!!!! (thanks Rob! I think I really get it most days!)



( P.S. An easy place to start hearing the truth would be the grace stream channel posted right here on my blog...)

Chapter 1 "The Impossible Weight of the Law"

Here is my second very rough installment of the book I'm working on, the first chapter...I've put a tentative title of "The Impossible Weight of the Law" to it...


I met Aaron during my first year of Bible College and we were married a little less than a year later. We entered into marriage not knowing much more than that divorce was not allowed! The first few years were pretty rough, full of fighting and dramatic displays of a wide range of emotions (especially on my part). From the beginning, self-righteousness and condemnation played a big part in our relationship. Whoever was the most 'spiritual' at any given time--that is, whoever was doing the best at keeping the rules of Christianity (Bible reading, prayer, etc..)-- usually won the battle of control for the moment.

During this time God miraculously placed a man in our path who began sending us tapes of himself preaching about grace. We had been driving through Fundy National Park (near our home at the time in Sussex, NB Canada), when I saw a car with a Delaware (U.S.) license plate and told Aaron to pull over . I thought he should stop and say 'hi' since he was from Delaware and it was quite unusual to meet anyone from there this far north! Of course, they turned out to be Christians, Hallelujah- Praise-the-Lord-charismatics to be exact. They had never been to Canada before and were driving up the east coast praying and taking the land for Jesus and had several testimonies of the people they'd met along the way. They laid hands on us and prayed for us, very excited to meet fellow believers and it was obviously a divine appointment. The tapes he sent us were my first exposure to teaching on grace and over the next few years God went to great lengths to start laying a framework for grace in my life. This was my first exposure to teaching on grace, my first taste of freedom!

When Aaron graduated we moved to a 'city' nearby where he was an assistant pastor. It was a church in the legalistic denomination I had grown up in and due to some unbiblical membership requirements I wouldn't join the church formally. All that year God continued to reveal grace, and it was an exciting time in many ways.

We met some people from Church of Christ the King in Brighton UK, a Newfrontiers church and God used them to tear down all our ideas of what church should or could look like, as well as challenge our ideas of who God really was. God used one of these men to speak to Aaron that we should leave the denomination we were with--I was so thankful! We were tasting a little more freedom, and I entered into an amazing time of feeling so alive in the Spirit and had some great life changing experiences in God's manifest presence.

After leaving the denomination and the professional 'ministry' behind, we ended up about 7 months later (through a somewhat complicated series of events) living in Delaware again. We desperately searched for a church but could not find anything that resembled what we felt God was calling us to. Finally we phoned some friends in the UK and asked if they could help us find a church. They gave us some information and we tracked down a church about 1 1/2 hours away from where we were living.

We visited the church we found the next Sunday and loved it. We finally felt at home, even singing some worship songs we knew. And they emphasized grace! We spent the next eight or so years with this group of churches, meeting many wonderful people, and for the first few years I could not find a single fault with our church. I loved the people, the pastors, the leader of the group, and anyone else they introduced to us. Aaron and I were completely in awe of the leaders and felt so thankful to be there. We would have defended any one of them vehemently against the slightest criticism, and many times we did.

We were accepted immediately, and our dreams of church planting in Canada were encouraged. We began ascending the ladder to leadership , passing through training and serving in any way we could. They had a very strict and narrow view on many things, but we wholeheartedly threw ourselves into the teachings and embraced everything. Looking back we easily recognize how legalistic the teaching and structure was, despite teaching some truths of the gospel very well and even often using the word 'grace'.

They (and we) believed themselves to be gospel and cross centered, but they were actually sin, man, and law centered. Guilt was the measure of your humility, and we soon became enchanted with their brand of puritanistic morbid introspection. We were always trying to hunt down sin and stir our flesh up to better works.

Our lives became consumed with trying to be holy, trying to live up to all the standards and principles we were being taught. Teaching and preaching always consisted of detailed instruction of how to identify sin and then detailed instruction on how to change our behaviour and thoughts.

Slowly we began to be sucked into a swirling vortex of conformity as we relentlessly tried to smother everything in ourselves that didn't fit the mold set before us. Aaron worked to conform to 'biblical manhood' and I tried to conform to 'biblical womanhood'.


The man that God supposedly called Aaron to be would be a strong leader who laid down the rules in our home. These rules for being a 'biblical man' were learned through the diligent teaching of our pastors and included things like:

-making sure your wife and children were joyfully submissive to your headship

-reading the Bible everyday (preferably early in the morning)

-prayer (lists are good)

-reading any assigned or recommended books

-serving in the church by committing to a specific ministry team

-tithing and sacrificial giving

-working hard both in a career and at home with little rest

-disciplining (spanking) his children every time they did not obey 'immediately and joyfully'

-being intentionally romantic (however that works!)including regular date nights and sex

-confessing sin often and freely

-correcting sin in your wife (and children) regularly

-helping your wife to organize her duties and make sure she's not wasting any time

-not rescuing your wife when she's overwhelmed (i.e. if you're a biblical man you will have taught your wife to be able to handle all her duties well without ever needing your help)

-teach your wife and children doctrine

-do not lust do not lust do not lust!


I think there were even more rules for the women. These rules came from the pulpit, women's meetings, and recommended books...as well as anything your husband could dream up for you--his word was your command! Here is a sampling of what I believed God required from me as a woman:

-have many children

-homeschool my children

-discipline (spank) my children every time they did not obey 'immediately and joyfully' expecially focusing on the areas my husband wanted me to

-read my Bible everyday, along with any other recommended or assigned reading

-confess my sins regularly to others, especially to my husband

-keep my house clean, according to my husband's preferences

-cook meals

-be organized (detailed schedules, very good) "God is a God of order"

-dress modestly adhering to a detailed list (yes, really)so as not to be responsible for any man's lust

-serve in the church as needed, as well as 'releasing' my husband to serve

-submit to ( or obey) my husband in everything

-never deny my husband sex for any reason (except prayer by mutual consent of course), be very good at it, enjoy it (not sure how you can mandate this!), and be sure to initiate it

-do not rest or eat unless you can get everything else on this list (or anything else your dear husband can dream of) done

If we failed in any of these things, we were in sin, and these lists are not exhaustive by any means. We regularly received teaching on just about any sin you can imagine. Worldliness, pride, gluttony, vanity, immodesty, selfish ambition, insubordination to leaders, slander and gossip (especially against pastors), grumbling and complaining, sloth, discontent, lust, coveting, idolatry, anger, fear of man, and on and on and on. All this we took to heart, and the more we did the more condemnation we lived under.

Day to day life was such a struggle! In the midst of being pregnant (and being very sick while pregnant each time), having babies and trying to do and be everything I was being taught, joy and laughter vanished. Our marriage took on an eery coldness and distance as we became preoccupied with implementing everything we were being taught. We were ever trying to say and do the 'right' thing and eventually lost sight of the real things! We talked about the things we were supposed to talk about, we had sex as often as we felt was enough, we confessed sin to each other and tried to help each other strategize stop sinning, we fought whenever my internal alarms started going off. I knew something was wrong in our marriage, I wasn't satisfied, but I attributed my dissatisfaction to one or both of us not living up to the standards! Or we would look for a new command to follow, something we must have missed somehow, putting all our hope in the one thing we hadn't done yet.

We would fight and accuse and condemn and manipulate to try to motivate each other to do better, but in the end neither of us won these battles. The harder we tried to follow the rules, the more we failed. Over time, we rarely if ever experienced God's loving presence either in church or anywhere else, and every blessing we'd been given--ministry, marriage, children--felt like impossibly heavy loads. We were just trying to survive and we constantly felt weary and overwhelmed. We were living in the wrong part of Galatians!

"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies and things like these." (Galatians 5:19-21)

Between the two of us, we had most of these sins covered--the harder we worked the more sin we produced! We could not produce, by working in the flesh, the fruits of the Spirit we were being told was our responsibility to 'grow' in. But we were also being taught that we should expect the results we were getting because we were still utterly sinful in every way, that the deepest core of our being was riddled with indwelling sin. The 'good news' of the gospel was that we could go back to the cross every day and beg for a little more mercy to forgive our latest failure, then start over with a clean slate trying to obey God again, trying to maintain our newly clean conscience. It isn't any wonder we were miserable, confused, depressed, and feeling distant from God.

But deep inside of us, put there by God himself, there was a longing for freedom, a longing to walk with God without fear or shame. And God never puts desires in us that he doesn't intend to fulfill! Though we thought freedom and right standing (righteousness) with Him could be won or maintained through obedience to the new-fangled law of the church world, God began to show us that freedom is only ever and always found in Jesus himself, that all our hope and faith is to be put in Him alone. He is the end of the law for all who believe.

Do Not Yield

"Yet because of false brothers secretly brought in—who slipped in to spy out our freedom that we have in Christ Jesus, so that they might bring us into slavery— to them we did not yield in submission even for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you. And from those who seemed to be influential (what they were makes no difference to me; God shows no partiality)—those, I say, who seemed influential added nothing to me...

But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party. And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, "If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?"

Galatians 2:4-6, 11-14

I think there must be many secret societies going on behind closed doors of the church world. I can't understand why whole christian organizations get away with murder, while the people in other similar organizations smile and say "I think they're real nice". Preaching law is akin to spiritual murder. (*2 Cor. 3:6-8

Paul did not privately address a few false teachers (Galatians, he even publicly rebuked Peter! ch.2) with his concerns, he wrote very public letters, showing his anger very publicly, in fact, one might say he ranted and raved when it came to wolves trying to put God's children back under bondage and slavery. He actually pronounced a double curse on anyone who preached any other gospel but the one he preached (*Galatians 1:8-9). This should stop many preachers in their tracks, they should be trembling in fear, but instead they are swaggering drunk with conceit.

I'm tired of the so-called leaders of the church (I'm talking church universal) patting each other on the back, telling each other jokes, and writing up impressive intoductions to each others books all the while one or the other is teaching demonic lies that are destroying the people who follow them. These men are worse than dogs and mutilators of the flesh (*Phil. 3:2-4), they are mutilating souls.

I'm not one of those people who likes to be a watch dog, you know, going around barking about this person in error or that one. I don't think I'm nitpicky, but come on, can't we examine the fruits (or more accurately works) of a ministry and be honest? This peace at any cost idea, love means never telling the truth about the 'important' men of the church, this butter-my-bread-and-I'll-butter-yours doctrine is ridiculous. It's a ring of fear, each man fearing for his own name and reputation, not caring what God thinks of it all but choosing to be ashamed of the Gospel for the sake of his standing among the respectable religious of the 'church'. This makes me sick, really. And angry, angry for the souls of all those who pour out their lives, their families' lives, their wallets, and their hearts to these cowards, thinking that they are God's ambassadors on this earth. They are not. (And I can honestly tell you and I'm not thinking of any particualar ministry here, but more of a jumbled mess of things I've seen everywhere over my life growing up in the church world in general.)

But we are! Every one of us who put our faith in Jesus and his good news. We are not ambassadors who never make a mistake, but we are ambassadors who are not ashamed of the gospel once we have received revelation from heaven of who Jesus really is! And some of the men I'm talking about will live to receive the same revelation, just as Paul did. He was a persecuter of those who in the eyes of the law and religion were crazy fools, but in the moment of the thunderous voice of God and a flash of brilliant light everything changed! So it was for all of us who have received grace and mercy and know we are dearly loved of our Father.

I don't know why, but I feel very compelled lately to speak, or should I say write, very strongly against legalism in the church. At the bottom of it is the violent love of God for his people! I feel his love as I write, I read Galatians and my heart is breaking, tears are welling up in my eyes! God's people have turned away from his glorious grace, from the unsurpassed sacrifice of his only beautiful Son, and gone back to law as a dog returns to it's vomit. It's time to cast out the maid servant's son and stop allowing the legalists to bully the children of freedom!

Let's grow up in grace and stand strong and proud of Jesus! We must never yeild or submit in the face of even the most vicious attacks from those who have fallen from grace, but it is imperative that we preserve the truth of the gospel in these last days. It is not love to watch a brother veer from the truth of the gospel without speaking out, it is hate.

Even as I write this, I'm unsure of what it means for me. I have been careful to avoid publicly criticising people or ministries by name (on this blog, but have sometimes been more specific elsewhere) because of their serious and destructive false doctrines . At this point, I will continue to address the false doctrines without 'naming names'(on here), but perhaps the fear of naming names is not coming from the Holy Spirit. There are names that are named in Scripture, recorded for all time as falling prey to error! I think we have lost boldness and power, not because we love so much, though we like to think of this as the reason, but because we care very much what men think of us or how they might try to slander or persecute us in retaliation! I'm just not sure we can stand for grace without also standing against legalism...it's time to let our "yes" be "YES" and our "no" be "NO"!!!



* 2 Cor. 3:6-8 "He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious?"

* Galatians 1:8-9 "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.

*Philippians 3:2-4 "Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— though I myself have reasons for such confidence."

Spiritual Bulimia

There are those who, as they listen to the good news of Jesus, nod their heads and smilingly agree with everything. They say they love grace! They might even get tears in their eyes when telling of God's amazing mercies, of his salvation available to anyone who believes in his Son and his finished work on the cross. Yep, they might even be able to powerfully preach the whole truth of the Gospel, passionately expounding on the wonders of justification through grace alone, by faith alone. They will tell you that salvation is a free gift from God, that no man should boast.

And at the end of this feast of truth, this love feast of the body and blood of Jesus, they will stick their pointy finger of law down your throat and you will lose every benefit of what you just ate.

For health reasons, I recommend you avoid such teaching...


"For if I rebuild what I tore down, I prove myself to be a transgressor. For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."
Galatians 2:18-21


Please do not receive anything that nullifies the grace of God, no matter how much you may love and respect the person serving up law, and no matter how much 'grace' they may mix in with it. It can only make a mockery of Jesus' sacrifice and make you very sick.

God, God, lift the veils from our faces! We choose Jesus, and forever forsake the folly of self-righteousness! Open our eyes to you! We want nothing to do anymore with the lies of religion, lies that say we can accomplish anything for you, but we receive all that you have accomplished for us. We rise up into our new life, our new marriage, with our new Husband and we rejoice in your love! The old is gone and the new has come! Forgetting what is behind, we press on toward the goal, finding strength keeps coming to us when we know we should be tired. We have the high of all runners' highs, because we run with your everlasting everfilling power gushing into us and out of us. When our minds and bodies get tired, we rest with no fear of falling behind or missing a blessing, and you refresh us with your love. You, you are our greatest blessing and you promised to never leave us, never be angry with us, never fail us or stop loving us. In you I have everything I ever dreamed of, in me I have everything my heart desires; YOU.

Jesus and Me

Here's another pretty significant change I've been noticing lately in my life...

Since I've been very young I've always talked to God, I was a very shy child and I considered him my best friend. I had a perpetual conversation going on with him most of the time, I still do! But the older I got, the more I avoided reading the Gospels and missed out on getting to know God the Son, Jesus.

You see, under law, the Gospels are very discouraging and frightening to read! Jesus actually takes the typical human understanding of God's law and raises the bar incredibly and impossibly higher. I had always been taught that we were to follow Jesus' example of perfect obedience to the law, or a modified 'new covenant' version of the law that did away with the ceremonial parts but clung to the ten commandments merged with other so-called New Testament commands. But the good news, I was told, was that as a believer I now have the Holy Spirit who will empower me to obey this 'new covenant' law. If (or much more accurately when) I happened to break one of these commandments or another commandment of Jesus (or other NT writer), then I could repent *AGAIN*, confess my sin to God *AGAIN*, and be washed clean *AGAIN*, and start over with a fresh slate, all with the 'help' of the Holy Spirit.

There is a fatal error in this kind of teaching. God does not replace Old Covenant law with New Covenant law, he replaces law, an inanimate mediator, with a living mediator. We now live by faith in Jesus and a perpetual intimate communion with him by his Spirit in us. Nothing can ever separate us from him again!!!

Here is an extended quote of Joseph Prince preaching at Hillsong conference "Grace and Favour" ( if you can get a hold of these messages, they are great! you miss out reading him when hearing him is so much better!) , how we respond immediately after sinning is crucial:

"That's the point where the rubber meets the road. What do you do then? That the time when the devil comes to you and says: " You call yourself a believer? Look what you just did!" He's the accuser of the brethern. And that's the time you must recieve the gift of righteousness and the abundance of unearned undeserved favour all over again. Hallelujah! That's the time to say "I am the righteousness of God apart from my performance. And I tell you this, I've done it--you will rise above your anger. Hallelujah! Effortlessly, amen! You have not lost your righteousness, you cannot lose it! You see, the blood of bulls and goats in the Old Testament gave the people temporal forgiveness. The blood of the Son of God, the eternal blood of the Son of God, gives us eternal forgiveness!!! We are forgiven of our entire life of sin. Amen. You know for many years I was under the impression I only had my past sins forgiven, until I read in the Bible, the Bible says "in whom we have redemption through his blood the forgiveness" --we have it!-- "the forgiveness of sins"--watch this now--"according to the riches of his grace..." Not according to the poverty of my repentance, not according to the poverty of my confession, I cannot remember all that I did. But according to the riches of his grace! The day you can measure the riches of his grace, that's the day you'll know how much you've been forgiven! We have forgiveness of sins, we're not trying to get it, we have it. It was given to us at a great cost, the blood of Jesus Christ was shed. Without the shedding of blood their is no forgiveness, amen church?"....

"The prophecy of Daniel says Jesus would come to bring in everlasting righteousness. If you sin and you lose your righteousness and you have to be re-righteous, it was not permanent, it was not eternal. Even the Jews under the blood of bulls and goats have it better, at least they are made righteous or they are forgiven for one year. For us believers under the New Covenant, we are hardly forgiven completely for one day! Something is really wrong. We are dishonoring the blood of Jesus, bringing it lower than the blood of bulls and goats. If the blood of bulls and goats gives temporal redemption, temporal forgiveness, the blood of Jesus Christ gives you eternal forgiveness. Amen."

I love that! The blood of Jesus is more than enough for me and all my sin. And my sin has been taken care of once for all! Jesus did not come to condemn me but to save me, not to lay heavy burdens of law on me, but to fulfill the law and cancel the codes that stood against me, the letter that was killing me. He came to give me rest and fill me with his gift of righteousness, and from him will flow every good thing through me as I just believe and receive.

Since understanding grace, I have come to know the Holy Spirit more and more. You can't receive the Spirit through works of the law! Our efforts are not only worthless in drawing near to God, they actually drive us further from him. The law will always stand between us and God, that is why we needed Jesus to set us free from it! Not through abolishing the law, but by fulfilling it, and dying through it and to it in our place. Through union with him, we too have died through the law to the law! WE HAVE BEEN SET FREE FROM SIN AND THE LAW, WHICH IS THE POWER OF SIN. This is just Scripture I'm putting together here. Read Romans 7,8 and Galations 2. If you struggle with reading any of this, please read and reread Romans and Galatians over and over and over and ask God to reveal truth and grace to you. You NEED this truth to live!

Ok, got a little sidetracked as usual! Since I've come to know the Spirit of God, he's been revealing Jesus to me more and more. I see and hear Jesus everywhere these days and I really love him! I've missed out on so much joy by fearing him! I can't wait to know him more and more and more.

Introduction to My Testimony of How I Came Out of Legalistic Oppressive Religion to Live in Jesus Who Gives Grace and Freedom!

I was in the mood to put a long title haha, this post is in response to some harassing comments you may or may not have noticed! I don't know why I haven't been writing much, but I've certainly been thinking. Anyway, I'm just going to put up the very beginning of the book I'm supposedly writing. Any and all input, critiques, suggestions are not only welcome but highly coveted (to use a very churchy word hahahaha) no but seriously, I value my fellow bloggers' and readers' opinions very much, so don't let me down.

I got saved when I was five years old. If you had asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up I would have said “be a missionary”. I used to hope that I would be martyred for my faith and from about the age of six read every missionary or other great Christian hero biography I could get my hands on, often reading the same books my parents did, my Dad being a pastor and avid reader himself. I have never tried a cigarette, much less any other drug or illegal substance, never tasted alcohol all my growing up years and still to this day have never been drunk.

I remained a virgin until my wedding night and certainly have never been in trouble with the law. From the time I could read I read my Bible every day and as a kid fell asleep ever night listening to ‘Unshackled”, a radio program that dramatized real life testimonies. I defended the kids being made fun of or bullied and witnessed to all my unsaved friends. Oh, and when I had money of course I tithed! No surprise I ended up at Bible college, it had been a dream of mine my whole young life.

As I got older and became a wife and mother, so many other godly duties got added to my list it became difficult to keep up. Now I had to work on being patient, submissive to my husband’s every desire, keeping my house clean , disciplining my children diligently, having meals on the table, maintaining a modest yet beautiful ‘feminine’ appearance, and serving the church in any way I could.

So there it is: the outside of my cup and dish, the whitewashed exterior of my tomb. That’s the game I kept up, or tried to, for most of my twenty-five years or so as a Christian. From the outside it looked pretty good, I think lots of people were impressed. But religion is a dangerous game to play, when you think you’re doing well you’re somewhat happy, comparing yourself favorably with those around you. But when you fail, there is no mercy to fall on. You fall into shame, guilt, condemnation, fear, and hopelessness, and no amount of guilt and fear can give you the power to make it out of that dark pit; the righteousness that God demands from us cannot come from us. Down in that pit the enemy constantly whispers in our ear ‘without holiness no one can see the Lord’ , ‘God hates sin, no sin can enter his presence’, ‘the prayer of a righteous man is fervent and effective’. You have to admit before your accuser that your aren’t sinless, holy , or righteous, because the law which you’ve been living under can only ever show you that you have fallen short of God’s glory and deserve to be eternally condemned. Despair overwhelms you and you are tempted to believe the lie that God is not fair, but a sadistic god who enjoys commanding us to do what he knows it is impossible for us to do, who puts burdens on us that are impossible to carry.

But Jesus said, “Come to me all you who labor and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matt.11:28-30

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR HUSBAND IS A LEGALIST

I know, a weird name for a blog post. I'm still mulling over the sanctification debate and will definitely be coming back with my take on it so far soon. But I wanted to write a little something about grace revelation and relationships. If you don't have a legalistic husband, maybe you have a legalistic wife, parent, child, sibling, friend....you get the picture. I've wondered many times "how do I deal with this person?" especially when it seems they are not understanding God's grace. And I've had many conversations with people about how to deal with many other persons in the same predicament.

First, how do you know you're dealing with legalist? Well, there are some signs...
Basically (and I've said this before) if you take a look at Galatians 5 you'll get a list of what the flesh, under law, produces when it works hard.

But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:18-21

Take a careful look at this list, don't just read quickly over it. I still have some signs of these at times myself, and I can tell you it's connected to trying to be holy myself, by taking my eyes off Christ and looking at law and methods of change. When we were really deep into legalism and completely unaware that we were, our lives and marriage could be pretty easily characterized by sexual immorality , impurity, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,and envy, to name a few!

Conversely, following this list you have the fruits of the Spirit (fruits NOT works!):

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:22-24

The legalist lacks love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Under law, all these good things were completely ellusive, we felt like God was dangling these delicious fruits in front of us all the time but we could never reach them.

Back to the dilemma, what to do with a legalist... First you have to really get a revelation of grace yourself, an ongoing revelation from the Holy Spirit. Then you need to rely on God to reveal his grace in the same way to your legalist, being open for him to use you in this process. This often look like responding to the legalist's sin with grace and love. As we receive grace, we can't help but let it spill over to those around us.

Really, this is usually a case of log and speck, if you know what I mean. When I find myself most frustrated with my husband's legalism, is when I'm most lacking grace myself. Slowly, sometimes painfully slowly, I'm learning that I can turn to God when I'm disappointed or impatient, or just plain hurt. I can march into the throne room of grace with confidence that I will receive mercy from my Father, I will be loved and he'll help me in exactly the way I need him to. Most of the time, I don't even know what I need, but he always does.

Our habit as women is to look to a man, our husband if we have one, and direct our desires to him as if he were God and able to fulfill and satisfy us. No man is sufficient for us , but God and his grace is! The more we experience God's all sufficient love for us, the more difficult it will be to offend or crush us and we'll be able to love our husbands (or anyone else)with God's supernatural love, the kind of love that softens and changes people, the kind of love that is constant whether you fail or succeed.

Does this mean we should overlook serious problems such as abuse? No, of course not, but as God reveals his heart to us more and more, we may be surprised at how we want to respond to people who are in serious sin.

We stop setting them up for failure by creating ultimatums and consequences, rules and regulations, by putting them under law. We begin to stop making accusations and start believing that there is truly hope and power for transformation , because we begin to believe the gospel! And at every turn the good news comes springing like living water from the depths of our being which is rooted in Christ, the resurrected Redeemer. Our words become life-giving instead of condemning and the power of the grace of God goes out to everyone we meet and sparks hope in them by his Holy Spirit. People who once joyously embraced salvation simply by faith but became enslaved to law again, prick up their hearts and ears and remember the joy of their salvation. They want to turn to God, they want to believe in Jesus again and turn from futile efforts of the flesh that always fall short. Together, we take the leap of all leaps of faith and let go all control over our own eternity and put every ounce of trust in God and his fatherly love that was demonstrated clearly once for all on the cross. And then, THEN, we will begin experience together transformations that are nothing short of miraculous...because with God NOTHING is impossible!

More on the Breaking of Bread (communion)

Recently I found a great blog called "See the World Through His Heart" through a comment someone left. He's got some amazing revelation on grace and recently wrote about communion. If you have time, read what he wrote and think about in which manner you come to eat and drink of the Lord's body and blood...

I believe that as we recover the worthy manner in receiving Jesus' body and blood, people's eyes will be opened more and more to the reality of the true gospel, and to the precious gift of God's righteousness given to us only by grace through faith. We need to get back to the simplest and most powerful expressions of our faith and allow the Holy Spirit to build his kingdom with supernatural power through us, and stop relying on our intellectual arguments and meager efforts.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." Romans 1:16-17

It's time to boldly come to the Lord's table and eat and drink without fear or shame, our confidence is not in our flesh but in Christ's. Our joyful confidence will be a sign and testimony to everyone who sees us and may we never apologize to any legalist for our boldness before God.

Feel-good Religion

This seems to be a popular label to use among the real serious Christians out there. Is anyone else out there struck by the irony of this phrase?


Religion is neither good, nor does it feel good... But let's assume that feel-good religion did in fact exist and was in fact very wrong and dangerous. Does that mean that we should be preaching and living feel-bad religion?

The Hybrid 'Gospel'

A hybrid is the combination of two or more different things, aimed at achieving a particular objective or goal.

I was recently listening to Rob preach the gospel...again...and as I was thinking about the differences between the Old and New Covenant, it struck me that much of the church is teaching (and I was taught some variation of this in many different churches) neither Old or New Covenant but a different 'covenant' altogether, a mongrel hybrid. This is more than just mixing a little Old with New, it's almost a permanent breed of religion that is stripped of even the fading glory the Old Covenant had (see 2 Corinthians 3:7-18). I would venture so far to say that it is a false and heretical religion, based on doctrines of demons.

What am I saying? Well, if we taught only Old Covenant, at least there are still some blessings available...right? I mean, as someone once commented to me, mercy was built into the law, there were sacrifices and provisions made for sin so that some blessing was still attainable, albeit in order to obtain them a person still had to have faith in God and his love. If we teach the New Covenant, it is only a million times better, since there is a permanent provision made for us to receive one blessing after another with no chance at all for receiving any curse since the foundation of everything in the New is the perfect righteousness of Jesus. He fully fulfulled the law--that is, he both rightfully earned every single blessing, as well as received every single curse and punishment,even death!

But men have not been satified with either covenants God has offered us, so they have taken it upon them selves to draw up a new contract thinking God will be impressed. Because the gospel is foolishness in their eyes, they have mixed the old and new together and produced a monster, a weapon that all the hordes of hell have taken up with joy and are using to maim and slaughter millions of people, believers and unbelievers alike.

This covenant says we must obey some of the laws of the Old, especially the 10 commandments, but they make it harder, adding in Jesus' sermon on the mount, so now we must not even hate our brother in our hearts or it is murder, we must not look at someone with lust or it is adultery...and they go on to apply this logic to the rest of the 10 commandments. If we fail, of course God will forgive us! IF we repent, show appropriate godly sorrow, feeling appropriate guilt and shame (to be differentiated somehow from the condemnation of Romans 8...), confess our sin sincerely, crawl to the throne of grace where Jesus reminds us of the nails that we personally drove into his hands and feet and beg mercy, which of course he will not deny us--that's the good news!!! We are forever and eternally indebted to him for his sacrifice, his 'free gift' comes with eternal strings attached and we are his pitiful puppets. Now worship him you dirty rotten worms!!! Where's your joy??? What's wrong with you people??? Aren't you thankful?

Can you see the twistedness of mixing the two covenants in this way, taking both the new and old testament out of context? This kind of teaching is neither Old or New Covenant, but 'another gospel', a gospel that is no gospel at all! (Galatians 1:6-7) I'm amazed at how often proponents of this legalistic religion want to turn this verse and point it at the ones preaching a new covenant grace message! How sadly ironic! The whole book of Galatians is aimed at man centered legalistic perversion of the true Gospel. When Paul says "this gospel is no gospel at all" he's saying plainly, "your 'good news' is not good news at all!".

There is a simple litmus test to know if you're hearing the true gospel. Is it simply and clearly the best news you've ever heard? If it is and you receive it ,it will naturally begin to produce all the glorious fruits of the Spirit in your life: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control. Those fruits of the Spirit are listed in GALATIANS, that is no coincidence! They are FRUITS of the Spirit, NOT WORKS OF THE FLESH, which are also evident: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. (Galatians 5:16-26)

This hybrid 'gospel' is no gospel at all, it is mostly bad news with a little bit of patronizing 'good news' mixed in to confuse the people who've bought into it. This 'good news' is used to make people feel guilty so that they're easier to manipulate and control. Their gospel is that you are terribly dirty all the time, but Jesus still condescends to love you and give you the occasional blessing, but if you suffer from disease and poverty and your marriage falls apart and your children die, it is no less than you deserve, being the lowly worm that you are, and Jesus has no obligation whatsoever to bless you so be thankful for the few he has given you and stop whining. IT'S A LIE. It sounds very humble and spiritual, but it is not humble to not boldly come to the throne of grace and receive everything we need, choosing to suffer instead, IT IS UNBELIEF.

The Father is obligated to bless us, to save us, to heal us, to love us, to comfort us, to provide everything we need, because he has obligated himself, HE HAS PROMISED. What is the requirement on our part to receive all this? It is believing in Jesus and asking in faith. NOW THAT'S GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not be ashamed of the Good News! I will joyfully preach it anytime I get a chance, and it is so refreshing to my soul when I do. I haven't written anything like this for a long time it seems, but it feels really really good...and I know it will stir some people up a bit. Trust me, I hope it does stir some of you up...to faith!